The Three Musketeers (The Modern Library) - Alexandre Dumas [140]
“My plans of retirement were formed long since, as you know. Indeed I mentioned them to you, did I not?”
“True, but I thought you were joking.”
“Joking about anything as serious as that?”
“Well, we certainly joke about death.”
“Yes, D’Artagnan, but we are wrong because death is the gateway to salvation or ruin.”
“Granted, my dear Aramis, but pray spare me theologics; you must surely have had enough of them for one day. As for me I have just forgotten practically all the small Latin I ever learned. Also I happen to have had no food since ten o’clock this morning and I confess I am devilishly hungry.”
“We will dine shortly, my friend. Only I must remind you that it is Friday, so I cannot eat meat or witness the eating of it. If you can put up with my humble dinner, you are indeed welcome. We are having tetragons—”
“Tetragons? What do you mean? I thought tetragons had something to do with geometry?”
“No, I mean simply spinach, to which we will add some eggs. Incidentally this is a serious infraction of the rules because eggs are actually meat, for out of them come your chickens.”
“It scarcely sounds like succulent fare, my dear Aramis, but I will put up with it for the sake of your company.”
“I appreciate your sacrifice, my dear fellow. It may not benefit your body but it will surely benefit your soul.”
D’Artagnan then questioned Aramis about his intention to take up Holy Orders. What would their friends say about it, and how would Monsieur de Tréville take it? D’Artagnan suggested that many people might look upon Aramis as a deserter. His friend replied that he was not about to enter the Church but rather to re-enter it. He had forsaken the Church for the World; he had acted against his sincerest principles by donning the uniform of a musketeer. Surely D’Artagnan must know all this.
“I?” D’Artagnan asked in amazement. “I know nothing whatever about it, Aramis.”
“Well, the Scriptures say ‘Confess yourselves to one another’—James, V, 16—and so I will confess myself to you, my friend.”
“And I, being a decent sort of fellow, will grant you absolution beforehand.”
“Do not make light of holy things, my friend.”
“No offense meant, my dear fellow. Fire away, I am listening!”
“Well, I had been at the seminary ever since the age of nine and I was within three days of my twentieth birthday. All was settled; I was certain of becoming an abbé and my life was marked out quite definitely. Then one evening as I was visiting a house which I frequented with much pleasure—one is young after all, and the flesh is weak!—an officer who was jealous of me because I used to read the Lives of the Saints to the mistress of the house, chanced to enter suddenly without being announced. That evening I had translated an episode concerning Judith; I had just read my verses to the lady, who was loud in her praise and, leaning on my shoulder, was reading them a second time. Her position, which I must admit was somewhat intimate, wounded the officer’s feelings. He said nothing at the time, but when I left he followed me out and caught up with me.
“‘Monsieur l’Abbé,’ he said, ‘do you care for canings?’
“‘I cannot say, Monsieur,’ I replied, ‘no one has ever dared give me one.’
“‘Well, then, listen to me, Monsieur l’Abbé: if you ever return to the house where I met you this evening, I shall give you a sound drubbing.’
“I think I must have been frightened; at any rate I turned very pale, I felt my knees giving way, I sought for some reply, but, finding none, I kept silent. The officer was awaiting my reply but, seeing it so slow in coming, he burst into laughter, turned on his heel, and went back into the house.
“I returned to the seminary.
“Now I am a gentleman born and I am hot-blooded, as you may have noticed, my dear D’Artagnan; the insult was a terrible one, and though none but I knew of it, I felt it alive, stirring and festering in the depths of my heart. Accordingly I informed my superiors that I did not feel sufficiently prepared to be ordained and at my request the ceremony was postponed for