The Treasure_ A Novel - Iris Johansen [13]
“Oh, yes.” He grimaced. “Dammit, I wanted it to be perfect for you. All those years I pictured how it would be and I—”
“Stop complaining. I’m content.” She huddled close to him. She knew him so well, yet Kadar’s naked body felt strange against her own. Smooth in places, corded with muscle in others, the hair on his chest wiry and male against the softness of her breasts. Strange and stimulating. “Just stay with me.”
“It’s late. I have to get you back to the castle.” He sat up and reached for her gown. “Put it on.”
“I want to go back to the ship with you.”
He shook his head.
“Why not?” Her smile faded as she gazed at him. “What’s wrong?”
“Other than the fact I pulled you down in the dirt as if you were a whore from the streets?” He was throwing on his clothing, not looking at her. “It was a mistake. God, what a mistake.”
“I didn’t—What are you talking about? I wanted it.”
“You didn’t want it, dammit. How could you know whether you wanted it or not? You were a virgin.”
“Well, I wanted to be close to you.”
“So I took what I wanted because I knew you wouldn’t refuse.”
“Why are you talking in this foolish way?” Her hands clenched nervously. “You’re confusing me. I came to you because you told—I had to show you that I trusted you.”
“And I made you pay the price. Christ in heaven, don’t you realize you could be carrying my child?”
Guilt? She smiled, relieved. “Is that all? That’s nothing that can’t be mended. Wed me, Kadar.”
“I can’t.”
A chill went through her. “You don’t wish to wed me?”
“I can’t.” His lips tightened. “I’m going away tomorrow.”
She stared at him, stunned. “There were no plans for another voyage. Where?”
He was silent.
“Tell me.”
He shook his head.
“When will you be back?”
“I’m not sure.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“Not where I’m going.”
“Anywhere.”
He shook his head again. “You have to stay here.”
Alone. He was leaving her. He was like all the others. Taking and then going away. “Very well.” She slowly stood up and numbly pulled her gown over her head.
“Don’t look like that.” His hands fell on her shoulders. “Do you think I want to leave?”
“Men always do what they wish to do.” She looked away from him. “They couple and then they go.”
“For God’s sake, I’m not like the men in Nicholas’s house. You know that.”
“I don’t know anything. Except that you’re going.” She jerked away from him. “And that I’m a fool.” Her eyes were suddenly blazing at him. “I’ll not be one again. You need not run because you think I’ll bother you. Coupling is nothing. Animals in the field do it and then wander away.”
“It wasn’t like that. You’re not thinking, Selene.”
No, she was only feeling, and the pain and anger were growing every second. “I would have done anything. I came to you and told you things that hurt me to say. I had no pride. I wanted to show you. . . Trust? You had no right to ask it of me.” She snatched her cloak from the ground. “You had no right to ask anything of me.”
She turned and started up the hill at a run.
“Wait.” Kadar’s footsteps behind her. “I’ll go with you.”
“Don’t you come a step farther,” she said over her shoulder. “Come close to me and I promise I’ll knock you down this hill.”
The wind tore her hair as she put on speed.
Go faster. Get away from the hurt.
Try to leave the pain behind.
Kadar’s hands balled into fists at his sides as he watched Selene run up the hill.
He had hurt her. After all the years of care and patience, he had reached out and grabbed what he wanted. She had come to try to give him what he wanted of her. He had ignored that gift and taken her body instead. Then, in the next breath, he had destroyed that fledgling trust.
What was he supposed to do? Tell her about Sinan? Neither she nor Ware must know before he left on the Dark Star.
Damn, it had been hard not to tell her. Everything he wanted, she offered, and he’d thrown it back at her.
May God curse you, Sinan.
She was now lost in