The Treasure_ A Novel - Iris Johansen [6]
Thea nodded. “Well, come to my chamber and I’ll help you get it out.” She pushed Selene gently toward the stone stairs leading to the bedchambers. “You can’t go back into the feast like this.”
She didn’t want to face anyone. She wanted to go to bed and pound her pillow with her fist and forget Kadar and his stupid idiocies. But that would be a victory for Kadar. She’d do exactly what he had ordered her not to do. She’d go with Thea and wash her eyes and pinch her cheeks rosy and then come down and let Kadar know she cared nothing for what he said.
Well, perhaps she would not speak sweetly to any of the men in the hall. There was no point in it, and it wasn’t fair to them now that Kadar had issued a warning. But she would dance and laugh and let him see she didn’t care a whit for his—sweet Mary, why couldn’t she stop hurting?
Thea opened her door. “Sit down on the stool.” She went to the bowl on the washstand and dampened a cloth. “This shouldn’t take long. Which eye is it?”
Selene dropped down on the stool. “We both know I have nothing in my eye.”
“I wasn’t sure you were ready to admit it yet.” Thea moved the damp cloth gently over Selene’s cheeks. “You shouldn’t blame Kadar. You made him very angry.”
“No, I must never blame Kadar,” she said bitterly. “Kadar is perfect in your eyes. I’m the one who causes you disturbance.”
“Kadar isn’t perfect, but I’d trust him with everything I own.”
Trust again. “Then you trust a fool. He won’t take what’s offered him and yet he expects me to wait while he samples every wench in Scotland.”
Thea chuckled. “Perhaps not every wench. He does spend a good deal of time at sea.”
“Probably to get away from me.”
“It’s a possibility. I must ask him if he’s using our silk trade as an excuse. It seems a good deal of trouble for him to undertake to avoid one young girl. Though it’s true you can be a great deal of bother on occasion.”
“You’re laughing at me.”
Thea caressed her cheek. “Never.”
“It hurts, Thea.” She leaned her head on her sister’s breast. “I never wanted this. I used to think you and Ware were foolish, you know. It seemed very dangerous to care so deeply about someone.
What if they left you or what if they died, like Mama died?”
“It’s always dangerous to care. One must just have faith.”
Faith, trust. Why did everyone throw those words at her?
“Kadar says I have no trust. Isn’t that stupid?”
Thea was silent.
Selene lifted her head. “Thea?”
“I didn’t realize he could see that. But then, Kadar is more perceptive than most people. I can see how your not trusting him would matter to Kadar. He does not give affection lightly, and his feelings for you are very strong. He would want all and resent you holding anything back.” She stroked Selene’s hair from her face.
“It’s not your fault that you’re so wary. Everyone you’ve ever loved has gone away from you.”
“Not you.”
“Even me. When I ran away from the House of Nicholas and left you there. I knew that would hurt you terribly.”
“But you came back.”
“But you weren’t sure I would, were you?”
“Of course I was.” Then she shook her head. They had never lied to each other. “No, but I hoped . . .”
“You see?”
“That was a long time ago. I’m older now.”
“And you love Kadar?”
“I do . . . care about him.”
Thea shook her head. “You’re too frightened to even say the words. I think Kadar may be a very wise man.”
“What are a few words?” She flared, stung. “I think you must be as stupid as Kadar.”
“Do you?”
She was instantly remorseful. Thea was everything that was loyal and loving. “No, I’m the stupid one. Forgive me. You should slap me.”
Thea smiled. “Not while you’re feeling this unhappy. Though I admit to wanting to give you a thorough tongue-lashing earlier.”
Selene stared at her in surprise. “Why?”
“I wanted no bloodshed tonight.”
“I would never have let it come to that.” But she had been too absorbed in her plan to prod Kadar to notice Thea had been worried, she thought guiltily. “You know I would do nothing