The Treasure_ A Novel - Iris Johansen [75]
“Yes.”
“It is wise. He is honorable, and you and the babe will be safe with him.”
“I’m not going to put myself in his care. After we wed, I return to Montdhu.”
He nodded vigorously. “Until it’s safe for him to come to you. This land is not the place for you to be. Don’t worry, I will care for you in his place.”
“I don’t need you to—” She couldn’t finish. Haroun was so happy and earnest. If his attitude was annoying, it was also sweet. She was most moved. “I thank you for your concern. I’ll try not to be a burden.” Good God, that last sentence almost turned her stomach again. “I know I will be safe with you, Haroun.”
He flushed, and his smile became even more radiant. “You will. I promise. I’ll take care of you. You’ll be safe, Lady Selene.”
“The boy is hovering around you like a bee at a honeycomb,” Layla said in a low voice as she watched Haroun make up Selene’s pallet that night. “You told him?”
Selene nodded. “He had to know sometime. He was concerned.”
“We should have told him before. He seems a good enough lad.”
High praise from Layla. Selene smiled. “Very good.”
“But his fussing is going to annoy you.”
“Probably.” But not as it would have once, she realized. It was as if the knowledge of the child had softened and dulled all the sharp edges. She seemed to think more clearly, react less impulsively.
“You’re feeling well tonight.” Layla was studying her.
She smiled. “You didn’t force any herbs on me this evening.”
“Tomorrow. It’s not always good to mix.” She shook her head. “No, it’s something else.”
Hope. The thought came out of nowhere. How odd. Hope had always been a rarity in her life. She had been too often disappointed. You took action to achieve your needs; you didn’t hope for them. Yet it was hope stirring within her now. It had been growing day by day on their journey. The child?
“I feel . . .” She couldn’t explain what she didn’t understand herself. “I feel as if everything is going to be all right.”
“Perhaps it will.”
She made a face. “Or perhaps this contentment is God’s way of protecting babes.”
“It’s possible. It’s certainly brought a change in you. You’ve not even mentioned Tarik or the grail since you found you were with child.”
It had not seemed important. Only getting to Kadar and the reality of the child was of any significance. “Kadar says when I fix my mind on something, I can’t see anything else. I suppose he’s right.”
“He appears to know you very well.”
“Yes.” All those hours and days and years together. “How long before we arrive in Rome?”
“Three days.”
In three days she would see Kadar again. Three days and he would know about the child. Not that it would change things, but she would see his face and it would be—
“Sweet Mary, are you ill again?”
Her startled gaze flew to Layla’s face. “Why would you think that?”
“You have a most asinine and befuddled expression.”
Selene frowned. “I do not. I was merely—” She stopped as she realized Layla was smiling. “Your humor is unkind.”
“Humor is humor. Kind or unkind, it’s our salvation. Become accustomed to my roughness. I can be no other way.” She looked into the fire. “Will you stay with him?”
“No.”
“Why not? A blind woman could see you have a fondness for him.”
“Yes.”
“But you’re fighting it.”
“No, I’m done with fighting it. But that doesn’t mean I should stay with him. It probably means I should not.” She paused. “I thought he was the one person on this earth who would never lie to me. But he did.”
“Treachery?”
“Not exactly.”
“We all lie to each other on occasion. To be kind, to be cruel.” She paused. “Just as we lie to ourselves.”
Selene stiffened. “You’re saying I lie to myself?”
“Possibly. You said Tarik told you that you were like me. There’s a part of each of us in the center of our being that remains alone and inviolate. It’s hard for me to let anyone get close to that center, even a loved one. You may be the same.” She lifted her gaze. “If you have reason, leave this Kadar, but don’t lie to yourself to protect that aloneness. Loneliness can be very bitter.”
“I never lie to