The Trouble With Eden - Lawrence Block [135]
“I ran upstairs to see what was happening, but I didn’t hang around.” They walked a little farther in silence before he said, “We haven’t really seen each other in a long time, have we?”
“No, we haven’t.”
“I’ve missed it.”
She didn’t say anything.
“I guess you have a good thing going. With Hugh Markarian.”
“I guess so.”
“I’m happy for you. Seriously.”
“I’m not sure if it’s that good a thing.”
“Oh? I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. Right now it’s more a question of knowing what I want. Oh, Christ!”
All at once she was crying. He reached to comfort and she turned from him. “I’m all right. I was thinking. Tanya was the one person I know who really knew what she wanted and look what she got. Just look what she got!”
“She’ll be okay, Linda.”
“She will?”
“She’ll be living with someone else inside of a month.”
“That’s a hell of a thing to say. That is a hell of a thing to say.”
“Why is it? I almost didn’t say it for just that reason, but why not say it? I’m not saying it to her, for God’s sake. But why shouldn’t I be saying it to you? It’s what she needs; it’s the best thing for her. I don’t know if either of them loved the other but even if they did. Do you think she’s going to wear black? Do you think she should?”
“She was saying just tonight that she couldn’t imagine anyone living alone.”
“Well, I can. God, can I imagine living alone.” She shuddered at the bitterness in his voice. “But I can’t imagine Tanya living alone. Can you?”
“No, I can’t.”
“She’ll be all right. That’s all that matters.”
“Yes, it’s all that matters.”
They walked the rest of the way without speaking, entered the building, climbed the stairs. When they reached the floor where he and Gretchen and Robin lived, he hesitated only an instant before continuing up the stairs with her. She meant to say something but let the moment pass.
At her door he said, “I wish I could come in.”
“Tanya’s in there.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“We couldn’t talk with her in there. I didn’t think you meant—”
“Well, in a way I probably did, as far as that goes. I’m in a mood myself, Linda, or I wouldn’t be talking like this. Do you want to know something? That one night—”
“Peter, please let’s not talk about it.”
“Just let me say this. It was the best thing in my life. I’m serious, maybe I haven’t had so much of a life but it was the best thing in it—”
“Peter—”
“but sometimes I wish it never happened. I miss you, Linda.”
“Nothing’s changed.”
“Oh, shit. Come on. Everything’s changed.”
“I’m going inside now, Peter. I have to. I’m tired, and I want to be able to wake up when Tanya wakes up. I’m going inside now.”
“All right.”
“And you’d better go downstairs.”
“I don’t know which I want more. To go in there with you or to not go back downstairs. It’s getting so bad lately, Linda.”
“Oh, Peter.”
“Oh, hell. I really pick the perfect nights to lay my trips on other people.” He flashed a sudden brightening grin, then turned and was gone.
Tanya was sleeping soundly in the middle of the bed. Linda moved her over to one side and the girl did not even stir in her sleep. Linda got in beside her, her body rigid, thinking how bad everything was and how tense she felt. But then the tension began to drain from her and she realized that at this moment she felt nothing, nothing at all. It was all gone and she felt merely exhausted and empty, so empty, and within minutes she was asleep.
TWENTY-ONE
Peter took the stairs quickly. But once he had reached his own floor his steps halted abruptly. It was just a few yards to the door of his apartment, but he took longer to traverse that distance than he had taken descending the stairs. And when he reached the door he stood for several long minutes in front of it.
He couldn’t get the image out of his head. He would open the door and she would be hanging there, her face hideously swollen and discolored. Bill Donatelli had used the Venetian blind cord, and he could see her standing