The Trouble With Eden - Lawrence Block [184]
She said, “I went through the same sort of thing when my father died. I had to take Seconal every day for a month and it worked like a charm.”
“Yes, if does that. I gather you’d like me to prescribe Seconal.”
“Please.”
“Simple enough. Every case should be so simple.” He wrote rapidly on a pad of prescription blanks, tore off the top sheet and handed it to her. “Anything else troubling you? Headaches? Depression?”
“No headaches. Depression? Well, I haven’t been doing handsprings.”
“But nothing you can’t handle on your own?”
“No. George, I’ve never understood why doctors can’t write like everyone else. It’s incomprehensible to me. I can make out your numbers, though. I’m sure it will be more than a week before I can sleep without help.”
“No point in buying more pills than you need.”
“And when these are used up?”
“Just call me and I’ll renew the prescription.”
“That seems like a nuisance.”
“Does it?”
“I’d say so.”
“You’re still a young woman, Olive. You’re attractive, you’re healthy, you have no financial worries—”
“And I’m in good spirits. Four excellent reasons why you can prescribe a larger quantity of sleeping pills with a clear conscience.”
He got to his feet and paced back and forth between his desk and the window. He said, “We’re talking about something without mentioning it, aren’t we, Olive?”
“Then shall I mention it? We’re talking about suicide.”
“Yes, we are. And that’s not the only reason for giving you Seconal in small amounts. It’s a dangerous drug to possess in lethal quantities. It’s very possible to take pills and forget you’ve taken them; that sort of mental haziness is an effect of the drug. There have been so many cases of genuinely involuntary overdoses—”
“I can promise you I won’t take an involuntary overdose, George.”
“Well, that spells it out, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, it does.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “I sent a check a few months ago to an abortion reform movement. Their main argument is that a woman should have the right to do as she wishes with her own body. I see no reason why that right is the exclusive province of pregnant women.”
“I’m not sure how much of that I agree with. In any event, there’s a difference between acknowledging your right and—”
“And making it less of an ordeal for me? Oh, I’m not going to do away with myself, George. There—I’ve stated that categorically. But if I were, do you seriously think you could stop me? I could go to a half dozen doctors and take their prescriptions to a half dozen pharmacists.”
“I could make that difficult for you.”
“But not impossible. I could take these seven pills you’ve prescribed and wash them down with a quart of iron. That’s supposed to do the job. I could put my head in the gas oven. If I made up my mind to do what I’ve been talking about, I could hardly be prevented, but I would want to do it with the least pain and fuss and aggravation.”
“I’m supposed to prolong life, Olive, and you’re asking me to help shorten it.”
“You’ve done that before.”
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I’ll forget you ever said it.”
“I could name names. I could mention a man who took an overdose of chloral hydrate. He got out of bed and walked to the medicine chest for it, I understand, and I also understand that was the first he’d walked in almost three years.”
“Is there anything that happens in this town that you don’t know? That was a terminal case, we couldn’t even reduce the pain anymore.”
“Oh, is that so. And don’t you recognize a terminal case when you see one, George Perlmutter? And do you think you can do anything about my pain? Do you think you can do anything on earth about my pain?”
At four o’clock she signed her will. She did not walk directly home. Instead she wandered slowly around town, taking her time. Autumn was beautiful here, here in this town to which she so completely belonged. Spring has a joy, an affirmation, a rebirth, but autumn had a slendor that no other season could match. Never did like winter.
You didn’t have to wait for winter. You could make it come to you on your own terms.