The Tudor Secret - C. W. Gortner [85]
“You had to know the truth. I understand that.”
“Yes, apparently you do. Better than most.” She smiled tremulously. It felt strange to be alone in this room with her, where I sweated out my feverish delirium, learned the terrible final fate of Mistress Alice, and discovered my love for Kate. I had forgotten how powerful a presence Elizabeth could be, how unique she was to her own environment. She did not seem to belong in this rustic room, her very essence too large for such a confined space. It did not escape me that she had also put herself at considerable risk to come here.
As if she read my thoughts, she said, “Do not worry, Cecil knows I am here. I insisted, and so he sent some men to escort me. They are downstairs, waiting. They’ll take me back to Hatfield tomorrow.” Her lips curled in disdain. “It seems henceforth I must get used to having these men about me at all times when away from my manor at Hatfield, at least until they bring Northumberland down.”
There it was—spoken out loud, at long last.
“Is that what Cecil plans?” I said quietly.
She gave me a curious look. “Of course. Why else would they be sending you to my sister Mary? If she flees the country, she’ll leave England wide open to the duke. Who knows what would happen to any of us, then? They’d rather a Catholic spinster took the throne than a Dudley. My poor sister.” She let out a tart laugh. “Mary has always been either feared or disdained. Her lot is never easy. And now she faces the fight of her life. If the duke’s henchmen get to her first…”
“They won’t.” I stepped to her. “I will not let them.”
She regarded me in silence. Up close, I saw again the amber flecks in her irises that had so mesmerized me that first night, at the water gate of Whitehall; I recognized once more the dormant power lurking in the depths of her regard, which I now understood very few were capable of resisting. I had been ready to throw myself at her feet that night, to do almost anything to ensure her favor. I found it interesting that while I still felt the pull of her, I no longer was enslaved by it. I preferred it this way: I preferred being able to look the princess in the eye and recognize our shared humanity.
“Yes,” she murmured, “I believe you will do just that. Cecil is right: You’ll do anything to keep the Dudleys from winning. But, you do have a choice. You’ve paid your dues, as far as I am concerned. Even if you decided not to go on this errand, you’ll have a place in my service.”
I inclined my head with a smile, made myself take a small step back.
“What?” she said. “Does the choice not please? You did ask this of me once, at Whitehall, if I recall correctly: You said you wanted to serve me. Has Cecil made you a better offer, perhaps?”
“Not at all.” I raised my gaze to her. “I am honored and grateful. But, that is not why Your Grace has come all this way. You already know I will serve you, no matter what.”
She went still. Then she said, “Am I so obvious, then?”
“Only to those who care to look.” I felt a hollow open inside me, as I considered everything she was, everything she stood for, and everything she might lose if she ever gave in to her own conflicted heart—that magnificent heart, which had propelled her to me tonight despite the peril to her own person.
“I … I do not want him harmed,” she said, haltingly. “Robert is not to blame … He did as he was bade, and he—he did try to warn me. I’ve known him since we were children and there is much good in him. It’s only that, like so many of us born to this world, he has never been taught the value of truth. But he is not unredeemable. Even he can atone for his sins.”
I let the silence between us absorb her confession. I would not denigrate it with my own opinions nor commit it to a promise we both knew I might not be able to keep.
She bit her lower lip; her fingers, so startling in their unadorned length, plucked at her gown. Then she said abruptly, “You will take care of yourself, for Kate’s sake?”
I nodded. So she did know. We shared this, too, in common.