The Unquiet - J. D. Robb [131]
When she arrived at the manor house, she was startled to see Jamie standing in the parlor, staring at his own portrait.
She walked up beside him. “When I left here, that was hanging in the upper gallery. Are you playing games with me?”
“I wish it were a game, love.”
At the seriousness of his tone, her smile faded. “What’s wrong?”
“Something is happening. For all the time I’ve been here, except for those times when I tried to walk away, my energy has always been supernaturally high. Now I can feel it beginning to fail me. It took all my strength to will the portrait here where it belongs.”
While he spoke she saw the way his image faded in and out. She touched a hand to his shoulder, then drew it back when she encountered a rush of damp coolness. “You’re growing cold.”
“ Aye.” Jamie took her hands and held them tightly. “There are things I must tell you now, before I fade away forever.”
“Forever? Jamie, you can’t . . .”
“Hush, love. Listen. For what I have to say is of utmost importance.” He caught a breath. “When I heard your story, and felt the depth of your pain, I realized for the first time that I was trapped here, between heaven and earth, by my own selfish choices, and that you were becoming trapped as well. You vowed to never open your heart again, because of your betrayal.”
“Why should I open my heart to more pain?”
“Because in order to love, we must first trust. Once that trust has been destroyed, it becomes more difficult to trust again. I was consumed with anger for those who had wronged me. It’s what kept me here. And I sensed that same anger in you. Like a poison infecting every facet of our lives. But here’s the amazing truth. I realized after telling you of my betrayal, and hearing about yours, that I’d suddenly been filled with a strange sense of peace. Did you feel it, too?”
Bree wanted to deny it, but she found herself nodding.
“You see? I believe it’s a signal that the time for me to leave this world is at hand.”
“No. Please, Jamie. I don’t want you to go. I’ve only just found someone I can trust. Someone who shares my most intimate secrets. Don’t you see? You’re the only one who really knows how I feel, because you suffered the same pain and humiliation.”
“Aye, love. ’Twas the same for me when I told you of my life and my betrayal. But for me, it was the final step in my healing, while for you, ’twas the first step.”
When she opened her mouth to protest, he touched a finger to her lips. “I’ve had hundreds of years to ponder. Now, suddenly, it’s all clear. This, then, is what I know to be true. Some people are weak. They make unwise choices. Cruel choices. Choices that hurt others, even those whom they truly love. I now realize that my Flora did love me in her own way, even though she carelessly gave her heart to my best friend as well. That was her failure. And mine was in refusing, for all these many years, to recognize that weakness in her and to forgive.”
Bree was shaking her head in denial. “If you’re suggesting that I should forgive Barclay for what he did, you ask too much of me. I’ll never forgive him.”
“You must, Brianna. You must accept that he was a flawed man, who loved you in his own way, but he wasn’t capable of exclusive love.”
“Don’t you understand? My pain is too deep. How can you ask me to forgive him?” Her voice shook with passion. “I simply can’t.”
“Hush now, love. I speak the truth. Those of us who are harmed by such selfish actions must be stronger, better, kinder. The world is what it is. Good and evil. Harsh and kind. And in order to spend eternity in peace, we must learn to forgive. Others. Ourselves. Their weaknesses and our own. This was the lesson I needed to learn. And only now, finding you, my soul mate, have I been able to forgive the wife and friend who betrayed me in this life. And it must be the same for you, Brianna my love. Do you not see? You deserve to love and be loved. Not by one who selfishly asks you to choose between career and love, but by one who understands that true love is a partnership.