The valley of horses_ a novel - Jean M. Auel [107]
Then another thought occurred to her. If she hadn’t decided to take the cub with her, she would never have thought of the travois. Had her totem chosen that way to show her? Was it a gift? Whatever it was, Ayla was sure the cub had been put in her path for a reason, and she would do everything in her power to save his life.
11
“Jondalar, you don’t have to stay here just because I am.”
“What makes you think I’m staying just for you?” the older brother said with more irritation than he meant to show. He hadn’t wanted to seem so touchy about it, but there was more truth to Thonolan’s comment than he wanted to admit.
He’d been expecting it, he realized. He just didn’t want to let himself believe his brother would actually stay and mate Jetamio. Yet, he surprised himself with his immediate decision to stay with the Sharamudoi, too. He didn’t want to go back alone. It would be a long way to travel without Thonolan, and there was something deeper. It had prompted an immediate response before, when he had decided to make a Journey with his brother in the first place.
“You shouldn’t have come with me.”
For an instant, Jondalar wondered how his brother could know his thoughts.
“I had a feeling I’d never go back home. Not that I expected to find the only woman I could ever love, but I had a feeling I’d just keep going until I found a reason to stop. The Sharamudoi are good people—I guess most people are once you get to know them. But I don’t mind settling here and becoming one of them. You’re a Zelandonii, Jondalar. No matter where you are, you will always be a Zelandonii. You’ll never feel quite at home any other place. Go back, Brother. Make one of those women who have been after you happy. Settle down and raise a big family, and tell the children of your hearth all about your long Journey and the brother who stayed. Who knows? Maybe one of yours, or one of mine, will decide to make a long Journey to find his kin someday.”
“Why am I more Zelandonii than you? What makes you think I couldn’t be just as happy here as you?”
“You’re not in love, for one thing. Even if you were, you’d be making plans to take her back with you, not to stay here with her.”
“Why don’t you bring Jetamio back with us? She’s capable, strong minded, knows how to take care of herself. She’d make a good Zelandonii woman. She even hunts with the best of them—she’d get along fine.”
“I don’t want to take the time, waste a year traveling all the way back. I’ve found the woman I want to live with. I want to settle down, get established, give her a chance to start a family.”
“What happened to my brother who was going to travel all the way to the end of the Great Mother River?”
“I’ll get there someday. There’s no hurry. You know it’s not that far. Maybe I’ll go with Dolando the next time he trades for salt. I could take Jetamio with me. I think she’d like that, but she wouldn’t be happy away from home for long. It means more to her. She never knew her own mother, came close to dying herself with the paralysis. Her people are important to her. I understand that, Jondalar. I’ve got a brother a lot like her.”
“What makes you so sure?” Jondalar looked down, avoiding his brother’s gaze. “Or of my not being in love? Serenio is a beautiful woman, and Darvo,” the tall blond man smiled and the worry lines on his forehead relaxed, “needs a man around. You know, he may turn out to be a good flint knapper one day.”
“Big Brother, I’ve known you a long time. Living with a woman doesn’t mean you love her. I know you’re fond of the boy, but that’s not reason enough to stay here and make a commitment to his mother. It’s not such a bad reason to mate, but not to stay here. Go home and find an older woman with a few children if you want—then you can be sure of having a healthful of young ones to turn into flint knappers. But go back.”
Before Jondalar could reply, a boy, not yet into his second tea years, ran up to them