The valley of horses_ a novel - Jean M. Auel [180]
“You’re shivering,” Jondalar said, wrapping her in a fur.
“You seemed to enjoy your dunking so much, I thought I’d try it. It was cold!” She laughed.
“The tea is almost ready. I’ll bring you a cup. You sit here,” he said, urging her back to the sleeping platform and piling more furs around her, until only her face could be seen. Spending my life with a woman like Serenio would not be at all bad, he thought. I wonder if I could persuade her to come home with me? An unhappy thought intruded itself. If only I could persuade Thonolan to come home with me. I can’t understand why he wants to go east. He took Serenio a cup of hot betony tea, and one for himself, and settled on the edge of the platform.
“Serenio, have you ever thought of making a Journey?”
“Do you mean travel to someplace I’ve never been before, to meet new people who speak a language I wouldn’t understand? No, Jondalar, I’ve never had an urge to make a Journey.”
“But you do understand Zelandonii. Very well. When we decided to learn one another’s language with Tholie and the rest, I was surprised how quickly you learned. It wouldn’t be as though you had to learn a new language.”
“What are you trying to say, Jondalar?”
He smiled. “I’m trying to persuade you to travel with me back to my home after we are mated. You’d like the Zelandonii …”
“What do you mean, ‘after we are mated’? What makes you think we are going to mate?”
He was abashed. Of course, he should have asked her first, not just blurted out questions about Journeys. Women like to be asked, not taken for granted. He gave her a sheepish grin.
“I’ve decided it’s time to make our arrangement formal. I should have done it long before. You’re a beautiful, loving woman, Serenio. And Darvo is a fine boy. To have him as the true child of my hearth would make me very proud. But I was hoping you might consider traveling with me, back home … back to the Zelandonii. Of course, if you don’t …”
“Jondalar, you can’t decide to make our arrangement formal I’m not going to mate you. I decided that long ago.”
He flushed, truly embarrassed. It hadn’t occurred to him that she wouldn’t want to mate him. He’d only thought of himself, the way he felt, not that she might not consider him worthy. “I’m … I’m sorry, Serenio. I thought you cared about me, too. I shouldn’t have presumed. You should have told me to leave … I could have found another place.” He got up and started gathering up some of his things.
“Jondalar, what are you doing?”
“Getting my things together so I can move out.”
“Why do you want to move out?”
“I don’t want to, but if you don’t want me here …”
“After tonight, how can you say I don’t want you? What does that have to do with mating you?”
He came back, sat down on the edge of the sleeping platform, and looked into her enigmatic eyes. “Why won’t you mate me? Am I not … not man enough for you?”
“Not man enough …” Her voice caught in her throat. She closed her eyes, blinked a few times, and took a deep breath. “Oh, Mother, Jondalar! Not man enough! If you aren’t, no man on earth is man enough. That’s just the problem. You’re too much man, too much everything. I couldn’t live with that.”
“I don’t understand. I want to mate you, and you say I’m too good for you?”
“You really don’t understand, do you? Jondalar, you’ve given me more … more than any man. If I were to mate you, I’d have so much, I’d have more than any other woman I know. They’d be envious. They would wish their men would be as generous, as caring, as good as you. They already know a touch from you can make a woman feel more alive, more … Jondalar, you are every woman’s desire.”