The Wasps [11]
this up in song)
.... let yourself be won over by his words; come, be not too
obstinate or too perverse. Would that I had a relative or kinsman to
correct me thus! Clearly some god is at hand and is now protecting you
and loading you with benefits. Accept them.
BDELYCLEON
I will feed him, I will give him everything that is suitable for
an old man; oatmeal gruel, a cloak, soft furs, and a wench to rub
his tool and his loins. But he keeps silent and will not utter a
sound; that's a bad sign.
SECOND SEMI-CHORUS (singing)
He has thought the thing over and has recognized his folly; he
is reproaching himself for not having followed your advice always. But
there he is, converted by your words, and wiser now, so that he will
no doubt alter his ways in the future and always believe in none but
you.
PHILOCLEON
Alas! alas!
BDELYCLEON
Now why this lamentation?
PHILOCLEON (in tragic style)
A truce to your promises! What I love is down there, down there
I want to be, there, where the herald cries, "Who has not yet voted?
Let him rise!" I want to be the last of all to leave the urn. Oh, my
soul, my soul! where art thou? come! oh! dark shadows, make way for
me! By Heracles, may I reach the court in time to convict Cleon of
theft.
BDELYCLEON
Come, father, in the name of the gods, believe me!
PHILOCLEON
Believe you! Ask me anything, anything, except one.
BDELYCLEON
What is it? Let us hear.
PHILOCLEON
Not to judge any more! Before I consent, I shall have appeared
before Pluto.
BDELYCLEON
Very well then, since you find so much pleasure in it, go down
there no more, but stay here and deal out justice to your slaves.
PHILOCLEON
But what is there to judge? Are you mad?
BDELYCLEON
Everything as in a tribunal. If a servant opens a door secretly,
you inflict upon him a simple fine; that's what you have repeatedly
done down there. Everything can be arranged to suit you. If it is warm
in the morning, you can judge in the sunlight; if it is snowing,
then seated at your fire; if it rains, you go indoors; and if you
don't rise till noon, there will be no Thesmothetes to exclude you
from the precincts.
PHILOCLEON
The notion pleases me.
BDELYCLEON
Moreover, if a pleader is long-winded, you will not be hungering
and chafing and seeking vengeance on the accused.
PHILOCLEON
But could I judge as well with my mouth full?
BDELYCLEON
Much better. Is it not said, that the dicasts, when deceived by
lying witnesses, have need to ruminate well in order to arrive at
the truth?
PHILOCLEON
Well said, but you have not told me yet who will pay my salary.
BDELYCLEON
I will.
PHILOCLEON
So much the better; in this way I shall be paid by myself. Because
that damned jester, Lysistratus, played me an infamous trick the other
day. He received a drachma for the two of us and went on the
fish-market to get it changed and then brought me back three mullet
scales. I took them for obols and crammed them into my mouth; but
the smell choked me and I quickly spat them out. So I dragged him
before the court.
BDELYCLEON
And what did he say to that?
PHILOCLEON
Well, he pretended I had the stomach of a cock. "You have soon
digested the money," he said with a laugh.
BDELYCLEON
You see, that is yet another advantage.
PHILOCLEON
And no small one either. Come, do as you will.
BDELYCLEON
Wait! I will bring everything here.
(He goes into the house.)
PHILOCLEON (to himself)
You see, the oracles are coming true; I have heard it foretold,
that one day the Athenians would dispense justice in their own houses,
that each citizen. would have himself a little tribunal constructed in
his porch similar to the altars of Hecate, and that there would be
.... let yourself be won over by his words; come, be not too
obstinate or too perverse. Would that I had a relative or kinsman to
correct me thus! Clearly some god is at hand and is now protecting you
and loading you with benefits. Accept them.
BDELYCLEON
I will feed him, I will give him everything that is suitable for
an old man; oatmeal gruel, a cloak, soft furs, and a wench to rub
his tool and his loins. But he keeps silent and will not utter a
sound; that's a bad sign.
SECOND SEMI-CHORUS (singing)
He has thought the thing over and has recognized his folly; he
is reproaching himself for not having followed your advice always. But
there he is, converted by your words, and wiser now, so that he will
no doubt alter his ways in the future and always believe in none but
you.
PHILOCLEON
Alas! alas!
BDELYCLEON
Now why this lamentation?
PHILOCLEON (in tragic style)
A truce to your promises! What I love is down there, down there
I want to be, there, where the herald cries, "Who has not yet voted?
Let him rise!" I want to be the last of all to leave the urn. Oh, my
soul, my soul! where art thou? come! oh! dark shadows, make way for
me! By Heracles, may I reach the court in time to convict Cleon of
theft.
BDELYCLEON
Come, father, in the name of the gods, believe me!
PHILOCLEON
Believe you! Ask me anything, anything, except one.
BDELYCLEON
What is it? Let us hear.
PHILOCLEON
Not to judge any more! Before I consent, I shall have appeared
before Pluto.
BDELYCLEON
Very well then, since you find so much pleasure in it, go down
there no more, but stay here and deal out justice to your slaves.
PHILOCLEON
But what is there to judge? Are you mad?
BDELYCLEON
Everything as in a tribunal. If a servant opens a door secretly,
you inflict upon him a simple fine; that's what you have repeatedly
done down there. Everything can be arranged to suit you. If it is warm
in the morning, you can judge in the sunlight; if it is snowing,
then seated at your fire; if it rains, you go indoors; and if you
don't rise till noon, there will be no Thesmothetes to exclude you
from the precincts.
PHILOCLEON
The notion pleases me.
BDELYCLEON
Moreover, if a pleader is long-winded, you will not be hungering
and chafing and seeking vengeance on the accused.
PHILOCLEON
But could I judge as well with my mouth full?
BDELYCLEON
Much better. Is it not said, that the dicasts, when deceived by
lying witnesses, have need to ruminate well in order to arrive at
the truth?
PHILOCLEON
Well said, but you have not told me yet who will pay my salary.
BDELYCLEON
I will.
PHILOCLEON
So much the better; in this way I shall be paid by myself. Because
that damned jester, Lysistratus, played me an infamous trick the other
day. He received a drachma for the two of us and went on the
fish-market to get it changed and then brought me back three mullet
scales. I took them for obols and crammed them into my mouth; but
the smell choked me and I quickly spat them out. So I dragged him
before the court.
BDELYCLEON
And what did he say to that?
PHILOCLEON
Well, he pretended I had the stomach of a cock. "You have soon
digested the money," he said with a laugh.
BDELYCLEON
You see, that is yet another advantage.
PHILOCLEON
And no small one either. Come, do as you will.
BDELYCLEON
Wait! I will bring everything here.
(He goes into the house.)
PHILOCLEON (to himself)
You see, the oracles are coming true; I have heard it foretold,
that one day the Athenians would dispense justice in their own houses,
that each citizen. would have himself a little tribunal constructed in
his porch similar to the altars of Hecate, and that there would be