The Wasps [17]
so that this
one should now wish to choke me?
BDELYCLEON
Come, take this tunic and put it on without so much talk.
PHILOCLEON
Great gods! what sort of a cursed garment is this?
BDELYCLEON
Some call it a pelisse, others a Persian cloak.
PHILOCLEON
Ah! I thought it was a wraprascal like those made at Thymaetis.
BDELYCLEON
No wonder. It's only at Sardis you could have seen them, and you
have never been there.
PHILOCLEON
Of course not, but it seems to me exactly like the mantle Morychus
sports.
BDELYCLEON
Not at all; I tell you they are woven at Ecbatana.
PHILOCLEON
What! are there woollen ox-guts then at Ecbatana?
BDELYCLEON
Whatever are you talking about? These are woven by the
barbarians at great cost. I am certain this pelisse has consumed
more than a talent of wool.
PHILOCLEON
It should be called wool-waster then instead of pelisse.
BDELYCLEON
Come, father, just hold still for a moment and put it on.
PHILOCLEON
Oh! horrors! what a waft of heat the hussy sends up my nose!
BDELYCLEON
Will you have done with this fooling?
PHILOCLEON
No by Zeus.
BDELYCLEON
But good sir....
PHILOCLEON
If need be, I prefer you should put me in the oven.
BDELYCLEON
Come, I will put it round you. There!
PHILOCLEON
At all events, bring out a crook.
BDELYCLEON
Why, whatever for?
PHILOCLEON
To drag me out of it before I am quite melted.
BDELYCLEON
Now take off those wretched clogs and put on these nice Laconian
slippers.
PHILOCLEON
I put on odious slippers made by our foes! Never
BDELYCLEON
Come! put your foot in and push hard. Quick!
PHILOCLEON
You're doing wrong here. You want me to put my foot on Laconian
ground.
BDELYCLEON
Now the other.
PHILOCLEON
Ah! no, not that foot; one of its toes holds the Laconians in
horror
BDELYCLEON
Positively you must.
PHILOCLEON
Alas! alas! Then I shall have no chilblains in my old age.
BDELYCLEON
Now, hurry up and get them on; and now imitate the easy effeminate
gait of the rich. See, like this.
(He takes a few steps.)
PHILOCLEON (trying to do likewise)
There!.... Look at my get-up and tell me which rich man I most
resemble in my walk.
BDELYCLEON
Why, you look like a garlic plaster on a boil.
PHILOCLEON
Ah! I am longing to swagger and sway my arse about.
BDELYCLEON
Now, will you know how to talk gravely with well-informed men of
good class?
PHILOCLEON
Undoubtedly.
BDELYCLEON
What will you say to them?
PHILOCLEON
Oh, lots of things. First of all I shall say, that Lamia, seeing
herself caught, let flee a fart; then, that Cardopion and his
mother....
BDELYCLEON
Come, no fabulous tales, pray! talk of realities, of domestic
facts, as is usually done.
PHILOCLEON
Ah! I know something that is indeed most domestic. Once upon a
time there was a rat and a cat....
BDELYCLEON
"Oh, you ignorant fool," as Theagenes said to the dung-gatherer in
a rage. Are you going to talk of cats and rats among high-class
people?
PHILOCLEON
Then what should I talk about?
BDELYCLEON
Tell some dignified story. Relate how you were sent on a solemn
mission with Androcles and Clisthenes.
PHILOCLEON
On a mission! never in my life, except once to Paros, a job
which brought me in two obols a day.
BDELYCLEON
At least say, that you have just seen Ephudion doing well in the
pancratium with Ascondas and, that despite his age and his white hair,
he is still robust in loin and arm and flank and that his chest is a
very breast-plate.
PHILOCLEON
Stop! stop! what nonsense! Who ever contested at the pancratium
with a breast-plate
one should now wish to choke me?
BDELYCLEON
Come, take this tunic and put it on without so much talk.
PHILOCLEON
Great gods! what sort of a cursed garment is this?
BDELYCLEON
Some call it a pelisse, others a Persian cloak.
PHILOCLEON
Ah! I thought it was a wraprascal like those made at Thymaetis.
BDELYCLEON
No wonder. It's only at Sardis you could have seen them, and you
have never been there.
PHILOCLEON
Of course not, but it seems to me exactly like the mantle Morychus
sports.
BDELYCLEON
Not at all; I tell you they are woven at Ecbatana.
PHILOCLEON
What! are there woollen ox-guts then at Ecbatana?
BDELYCLEON
Whatever are you talking about? These are woven by the
barbarians at great cost. I am certain this pelisse has consumed
more than a talent of wool.
PHILOCLEON
It should be called wool-waster then instead of pelisse.
BDELYCLEON
Come, father, just hold still for a moment and put it on.
PHILOCLEON
Oh! horrors! what a waft of heat the hussy sends up my nose!
BDELYCLEON
Will you have done with this fooling?
PHILOCLEON
No by Zeus.
BDELYCLEON
But good sir....
PHILOCLEON
If need be, I prefer you should put me in the oven.
BDELYCLEON
Come, I will put it round you. There!
PHILOCLEON
At all events, bring out a crook.
BDELYCLEON
Why, whatever for?
PHILOCLEON
To drag me out of it before I am quite melted.
BDELYCLEON
Now take off those wretched clogs and put on these nice Laconian
slippers.
PHILOCLEON
I put on odious slippers made by our foes! Never
BDELYCLEON
Come! put your foot in and push hard. Quick!
PHILOCLEON
You're doing wrong here. You want me to put my foot on Laconian
ground.
BDELYCLEON
Now the other.
PHILOCLEON
Ah! no, not that foot; one of its toes holds the Laconians in
horror
BDELYCLEON
Positively you must.
PHILOCLEON
Alas! alas! Then I shall have no chilblains in my old age.
BDELYCLEON
Now, hurry up and get them on; and now imitate the easy effeminate
gait of the rich. See, like this.
(He takes a few steps.)
PHILOCLEON (trying to do likewise)
There!.... Look at my get-up and tell me which rich man I most
resemble in my walk.
BDELYCLEON
Why, you look like a garlic plaster on a boil.
PHILOCLEON
Ah! I am longing to swagger and sway my arse about.
BDELYCLEON
Now, will you know how to talk gravely with well-informed men of
good class?
PHILOCLEON
Undoubtedly.
BDELYCLEON
What will you say to them?
PHILOCLEON
Oh, lots of things. First of all I shall say, that Lamia, seeing
herself caught, let flee a fart; then, that Cardopion and his
mother....
BDELYCLEON
Come, no fabulous tales, pray! talk of realities, of domestic
facts, as is usually done.
PHILOCLEON
Ah! I know something that is indeed most domestic. Once upon a
time there was a rat and a cat....
BDELYCLEON
"Oh, you ignorant fool," as Theagenes said to the dung-gatherer in
a rage. Are you going to talk of cats and rats among high-class
people?
PHILOCLEON
Then what should I talk about?
BDELYCLEON
Tell some dignified story. Relate how you were sent on a solemn
mission with Androcles and Clisthenes.
PHILOCLEON
On a mission! never in my life, except once to Paros, a job
which brought me in two obols a day.
BDELYCLEON
At least say, that you have just seen Ephudion doing well in the
pancratium with Ascondas and, that despite his age and his white hair,
he is still robust in loin and arm and flank and that his chest is a
very breast-plate.
PHILOCLEON
Stop! stop! what nonsense! Who ever contested at the pancratium
with a breast-plate