The Wasps [21]
BAKER'S WIFE
By Zeus, no anecdotes for me, thank you.
PHILOCLEON
One night Aesop was going out to supper. A drunken bitch had the
impudence to bark near him. Aesop said to her, "Oh, bitch, bitch!
you would do well to sell your wicked tongue and buy some wheat."
BAKER'S WIFE
You make a mock of me! Very well! I don't care who you are, I
shall summons you before the market inspectors for damage done to my
business. Chaerephon here shall be my witness.
PHILOCLEON
But just listen, here's another will perhaps please you better.
Lasus and Simonides were contesting against each other for the singing
prize. Lasus said, "Damned if I care."
BAKER'S WIFE
Ah! really, did he now!
PHILOCLEON
As for you, Chaerephon, can you be witness to this woman, who
looks as pale and tragic as Ino when she throws herself from her
rock...at the feet of Euripides?
(The BAKER'S WIFE and CHAEREPHON depart.)
BDELYCLEON
Here, I suppose, comes another to summons you; he has his
witness too. Ah! unhappy indeed we are!
(A badly bruised man enters.)
ACCUSER
I summons you, old man, for outrage.
BDELYCLEON
For outrage? Oh! in the name of the gods, do not summons him! I
will be answerable for him; name the price and I will be more more
grateful still.
PHILOCLEON
I ask for nothing better than to be reconciled with him; for I
admit I struck him and threw stones at him. So, first come here.
Will you leave it in my hands to name the indemnity I must pay, if I
promise you my friendship as well, or will you fix it yourself?
ACCUSER
Fix it; I like neither lawsuits nor disputes.
PHILOCLEON
A man of Sybaris fell from his chariot and wounded his head most
severely; he was a very poor driver. One of his friends came up to him
and said, "Every man to his trade." Well then, go you to Pittalus to
get mended.
BDELYCLEON
You are incorrigible.
ACCUSER (to his witness)
At all events, make a note of his reply. (They start to leave.)
PHILOCLEON
Listen, instead of going off so abruptly. A woman at Sybaris broke
a box.
ACCUSER (to his witness)
I again ask you to witness this.
PHILOCLEON
The box therefore had the fact attested, but the woman said,
"Never worry about witnessing the matter, but hurry off to buy a
cord to tie it together with; that will be the more sensible course."
ACCUSER
Oh! go on with your ribaldry until the Archon calls the case.
(He and his witness depart.)
BDELYCLEON (to PHILOCLEON)
By Demeter! you'll stay here no longer! I am going to take you and
carry you off.
PHILOCLEON
And what for?
BDELYCLEON
What for? I am going to carry you into the house, so that the
accusers will not run out of witnesses.
PHILOCLEON
One day at Delphi, Aesop....
BDELYCLEON
I don't care a fig for that.
PHILOCLEON
....was accused of having stolen a sacred vase. But he replied,
that the horn-beetle....
BDELYCLEON
Oh, dear, dear! You'll drive me crazy with your horn-beetle.
(PHILOCLEON goes on with his fable while BDELYCLEON is carrying him
off the scene by main force.)
CHORUS (singing)
I envy you your happiness, old man. What a contrast to his
former frugal habits and his very hard life! Taught now in quite
another school, he will know nothing but the pleasures of ease.
Perhaps he will jibe at it, for indeed it is difficult to renounce
what has become one's second nature. However, many have done it, and
adopting the ideas of others, have changed their use and wont. As
for Philocleon's son, I, like all wise and judicious men, cannot
sufficiently praise his filial tenderness and his tact. Never have I
met a more amiable nature, and I have conceived the greatest
fondness for