The Wasps [9]
to kiss me
and, while she is calling me "her dearest father," fishes out my
triobolus with her tongue; then my little wife comes to wheedle me and
brings a nice light cake; she sits beside me and entreats me in a
thousand ways, "Do take this now; do have some more." All this
delights me hugely, and I have no need to turn towards you or the
steward to know when it shall please him to serve my dinner, all the
while cursing and grumbling. But if he does not quickly knead my cake,
I have something which is my defence, my shield against all ills. If
you do not pour me out drink, I have brought this long-eared jar
full of wine. How it brays, when I bend back and bury its neck in my
mouth! It farts like a whole army, and how I laugh at your wine-skins.
(With increasing excitement) As to power, am I not equal to the king
of the gods? If our assembly is noisy, all say as they pass, "Great
gods! the tribunal is rolling out its thunder!" If I let loose the
lightning, the richest, aye, the noblest are half dead with terror and
crap for fright. You yourself are afraid of me, yea, by Demeter! you
are afraid. But may I die if you frighten me.
CHORUS (singing)
Never have I heard speech so elegant or so sensible.
PHILOCLEON
Ah! he thought he had only to turn me round his finger; he should,
however have known the vigour of my eloquence.
CHORUS (singing)
He has said everything without omission. I felt myself grow taller
while I listened to him. Methought myself meting out justice in the
Islands of the Blest, so much was I taken with the charm of his words.
BDELYCLEON
How overjoyed they are! What extravagant delight! Ah! ah! you
are going to get a thrashing to-day.
CHORUS (singing)
Come, plot everything you can to beat him; 'tis not easy to soften
me if you do no talk on my side.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
If you have nothing but nonsense to spout, it's time to buy a good
millstone, freshly cut withal, to crush my anger.
BDELYCLEON
The cure of a disease, so inveterate and so widespread in
Athens, is a difficult task and of too great importance for the
scope of comedy. Nevertheless, my old father....
PHILOCLEON
Cease to call me by that name, for, if you do not prove me a slave
and that quickly too, you must die by my hand, even if I must be
deprived of my share in the sacred feasts.
BDELYCLEON
Listen to me, dear little father, unruffle that frowning brow
and reckon, you can do so without trouble, not with pebbles, but on
your fingers, what is the sum-total of the tribute paid by the
allied towns; besides this we have the direct imposts, a mass of
percentage dues, the fees of the courts of justice, the produce from
the mines, the markets, the harbours, tile public lands and the
confiscations. All these together amount to nearly two thousand
talents. Take from this sum the annual pay of the dicasts; they number
six thousand, and there have never been more in this town; so
therefore it is one hundred and fifty talents that come to you.
PHILOCLEON
What! our pay is not even a tithe of the state revenue?
BDELYCLEON
Why no, certainly not.
PHILOCLEON
And where does the rest go then?
BDELYCLEON
To those who say: "I shall never betray the interests of the
masses; I shall always fight for the people." And it is you, father,
who let yourself be caught with their fine talk, who give them all
power over yourself. They are the men who extort fifty talents at a
time by threat and intimidation from the allies. "Pay tribute to
me," they say, "or I shall loose the lightning on you-town and destroy
it." And you, you are content to gnaw the crumbs of your own might.
What do the allies do? They see that the Athenian mob lives on the
tribunal in niggard and miserable fashion, and they count you for
nothing, for not more than the vote of Connus; it is on those wretches
that they lavish
and, while she is calling me "her dearest father," fishes out my
triobolus with her tongue; then my little wife comes to wheedle me and
brings a nice light cake; she sits beside me and entreats me in a
thousand ways, "Do take this now; do have some more." All this
delights me hugely, and I have no need to turn towards you or the
steward to know when it shall please him to serve my dinner, all the
while cursing and grumbling. But if he does not quickly knead my cake,
I have something which is my defence, my shield against all ills. If
you do not pour me out drink, I have brought this long-eared jar
full of wine. How it brays, when I bend back and bury its neck in my
mouth! It farts like a whole army, and how I laugh at your wine-skins.
(With increasing excitement) As to power, am I not equal to the king
of the gods? If our assembly is noisy, all say as they pass, "Great
gods! the tribunal is rolling out its thunder!" If I let loose the
lightning, the richest, aye, the noblest are half dead with terror and
crap for fright. You yourself are afraid of me, yea, by Demeter! you
are afraid. But may I die if you frighten me.
CHORUS (singing)
Never have I heard speech so elegant or so sensible.
PHILOCLEON
Ah! he thought he had only to turn me round his finger; he should,
however have known the vigour of my eloquence.
CHORUS (singing)
He has said everything without omission. I felt myself grow taller
while I listened to him. Methought myself meting out justice in the
Islands of the Blest, so much was I taken with the charm of his words.
BDELYCLEON
How overjoyed they are! What extravagant delight! Ah! ah! you
are going to get a thrashing to-day.
CHORUS (singing)
Come, plot everything you can to beat him; 'tis not easy to soften
me if you do no talk on my side.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
If you have nothing but nonsense to spout, it's time to buy a good
millstone, freshly cut withal, to crush my anger.
BDELYCLEON
The cure of a disease, so inveterate and so widespread in
Athens, is a difficult task and of too great importance for the
scope of comedy. Nevertheless, my old father....
PHILOCLEON
Cease to call me by that name, for, if you do not prove me a slave
and that quickly too, you must die by my hand, even if I must be
deprived of my share in the sacred feasts.
BDELYCLEON
Listen to me, dear little father, unruffle that frowning brow
and reckon, you can do so without trouble, not with pebbles, but on
your fingers, what is the sum-total of the tribute paid by the
allied towns; besides this we have the direct imposts, a mass of
percentage dues, the fees of the courts of justice, the produce from
the mines, the markets, the harbours, tile public lands and the
confiscations. All these together amount to nearly two thousand
talents. Take from this sum the annual pay of the dicasts; they number
six thousand, and there have never been more in this town; so
therefore it is one hundred and fifty talents that come to you.
PHILOCLEON
What! our pay is not even a tithe of the state revenue?
BDELYCLEON
Why no, certainly not.
PHILOCLEON
And where does the rest go then?
BDELYCLEON
To those who say: "I shall never betray the interests of the
masses; I shall always fight for the people." And it is you, father,
who let yourself be caught with their fine talk, who give them all
power over yourself. They are the men who extort fifty talents at a
time by threat and intimidation from the allies. "Pay tribute to
me," they say, "or I shall loose the lightning on you-town and destroy
it." And you, you are content to gnaw the crumbs of your own might.
What do the allies do? They see that the Athenian mob lives on the
tribunal in niggard and miserable fashion, and they count you for
nothing, for not more than the vote of Connus; it is on those wretches
that they lavish