The Way We Were_ A Novel - Marcia Willett [40]
1980
Zack is wildly excited. He is four years old and it is his first real party with children older than he is. Because the twins and Charlie have all been invited, and it seems unfair to leave him out, he is to be allowed to accompany them although, he will be much the youngest child at the party.
‘You must be a good boy and do as Liv tells you,’ says Mummy.
He nods, almost sick with excitement. Charlie has told him all about it. There is to be a conjuror, then games in the garden with prizes, followed by a birthday tea.
‘I hope he won't cry if he doesn't win anything,’ says eight-year-old Andy loftily He thinks that Zack is too young to be invited and might disgrace himself, thereby embarrassing Andy. ‘He's too little, really, for this kind of party.’
‘Of course he won't cry’ says Mummy firmly.
And he doesn't cry not even when the terrible thing happens because it's not the sort of thing to cry about: it's much too big for tears.
To begin with, the party is everything he has imagined it will be. He knows most of the children already because they are Liv and Andy's friends, and the conjuror does wonderful magic that keeps Zack gasping with amazement as he sits cross-legged in the circle of boys and girls. When the games begin, he doesn't really mind that the bigger children can run faster or jump higher than he can – as the youngest of four he is used to being outdone – but he finds some sweets in the treasure hunt and feels very happy.
The birthday tea is delicious and it is only when the cake has been cut and shared round and everyone has sung ‘Happy Birthday to You’ that he becomes aware of a girl watching him across the table. At first he doesn't like the look of her; her eyes are close together and very dark, so that she seems to be squinting, but suddenly she smiles at him and her smile makes him feel quite differently; pleased and rather proud that she has noticed him. After all, she's much older than he is; about the same age as the twins. Presently, as the children disperse, she comes round the table and squeezes in beside his chair. He quickly finishes his last mouthful of cake – he always lags behind the others at mealtimes – and smiles back at her.
‘You must be Zack,’ she says, almost as a grown-up might, and he is flattered that she knows his name.
‘How do you do?’ he says politely, as Andy and Liv have been taught when they are introduced to grown-ups. She laughs and then glances quickly around the room. Liv is in the middle of a group of friends, Charlie is at the other end of the table and Andy has gone back into the garden.
She looks at Zack again. ‘You don't remember me, do you?’ she asks playfully, almost teasingly.
He shakes his head regretfully. He would like to remember her, if only to please her, but he knows he could never have forgotten her; close up like this she has a sparkly stare that fascinates him.
‘What's your name?’ he asks rather shyly.
She hesitates, just for a moment, as if debating how to introduce herself. ‘It's Catriona,’ she says, still watching him with those strange, dark, close-set eyes.
‘It's a nice name,’ he says – and she laughs again. It's as if she is waiting for something, willing him to do something, though he cannot think what it is. It's rather like a game but he doesn't know the rules. He frowns, for he would like to please her. ‘Do you know all these people?’ he asks.
‘Well,’ she appears to be thinking about it, her glance straying across the table, ‘I know the girl over there with the long fair hair and that boy at the end of the table.’
‘That's Liv and Charlie,’ says Zack, greatly pleased. ‘They're my brother