The Way We Were_ A Novel - Marcia Willett [95]
Julia is silent. Em watches her compassionately. ‘Have you time for some coffee?’
Julia shakes her head. ‘I must get back to the children. They'll be wondering where I am. It was a really bad moment and I needed to get out. I'm sorry Aunt Em. When I woke up this morning I just knew that today would have been my baby's birthday. I don't know how I got through breakfast and the twins off to school without screaming. I simply couldn't bear it another moment and I knew that if I was going to break down I'd want it to be with you. Sorry.’
‘Don't be sorry’ says Em firmly. ‘I'm very glad you were able to do it, Julia. You can't keep things pent up indefinitely. Something cracks sooner or later.’
‘It's just that you feel you have to be strong, don't you? Especially with children around all the time. And I miss Tiggy so much. I had no idea how grief takes you by surprise, Aunt Em. It's little things. Hearing Elton John and Kiki Dee singing “Don't Go Breaking My Heart”. Tiggy loved that song. She used to dance round with Charlie, singing it to him. And every time someone comes to the door, the poor old Turk leaps up and goes rushing out hoping it's her. She comes back looking so miserable. The twins are much better now but it was awful to begin with, trying to explain. They wanted to keep the van but, oh God, every time I looked at it I remembered all those wonderful times we had.’
Her weeping this time is only a little less desperate and Em continues to sit beside her, feeling helpless and willing down her own grief.
‘Tiggy was very special,’ she says sadly. ‘To all of us.’
Julia draws a deep uneven breath. ‘Well, at least we have Zack,’ she says. ‘He's special too. And I'd better get back and give him a feed.’
‘Look,’ says Em, ‘if you can give me a lift, I'll come back with you. Archie can pick me up later when he gets home. I'll leave him a note. Why not? I think you need a bit of extra support today.’
Julia smiles gratefully. ‘You give me masses of support,’ she says. ‘I'd never have managed these last months without you. But yes, please. I'd like that.’
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
2004
Val lay in bed, waiting for Chris. It was a hot night and she was naked under the thin sheet. She could hear the hum of the shower through the half-open door and the hiss of water on the floor and tiles. When he came through to the bedroom, hair on end, a towel round his waist, she raised herself on one elbow. His glance was so wary that for a brief moment she saw the lighter side of their situation and began to laugh. He watched her almost suspiciously and she made a face at him, half rueful, half pleading.
‘Don't look so alarmed,’ she said. ‘You can sit down. I won't jump on you.’
He sat down, propping himself with pillows, legs stretched out, and she edged in under his arm and laid her cheek against his damp skin.
‘I know I've been a bit over the top,’ she said. ‘It's just that it means a lot. You can understand that, can't you?’
‘I can understand it,’ he said, ‘but I hate the way it's become so mechanical. I can't believe you'll ever get pregnant while you're so damned tense about it.’
‘I think you could be right,’ she admitted, and felt his arm relax fractionally. ‘But you know what my family call me: Mrs Manic.’
He gave an almost unwilling snort of laughter. ‘I'm not arguing.’
She laughed too, snuggling against him. ‘Anyway, it's much too hot tonight.’ His relief was so palpable she wondered if she should be offended but she was determined to stay cool. Since the telephone conversation with her sister she'd decided on a whole different approach.
‘You won't conceive,’ she'd told Val, ‘while you're all worked up. And you'll make Chris tense, which is the last thing you need. He'll smoke and drink more and that's fatal.