The William Monk Mysteries_ The First Three Novels - Anne Perry [87]
“But you invited him to stay with you? Do you often do that, on such short acquaintance?”
She shook her head, another strand of hair came undone and she ignored it.
“No, no hardly ever. But of course he was Menard Grey’s brother—” Her face was suddenly hurt, as if something had betrayed her inexplicably and without warning, wounding where she had believed herself safe. “And Joscelin was so charming, so very natural,” she went on. “And of course he also knew Edward, my eldest son, who was killed at Inkermann.”
“I’m sorry.”
Her face was very stiff, and for a moment he was afraid she would not be able to control herself. He spoke to cover the silence and her embarrassment.
“You said ‘also.’ Did Menard Grey know your son?”
“Oh yes,” she said quietly. “They were close friends—for years.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Since school.”
“So you invited Joscelin Grey to stay with you?” He did not wait for her to reply; she was beyond speech. “That’s very natural.” Then quite a new idea occurred to him with sudden, violent hope. Perhaps the murder was nothing to do with any current scandal, but a legacy from the war, something that had happened on the batdefield? It was possible. He should have thought of it before—they all should.
“Yes,” she said very quietly, mastering herself again. “If he knew Edward in the war, we wanted to talk with him, listen to him. You see—here at home, we know so little of what really happened.” She took a deep breath. “I am not sure if it helps, indeed in some ways it is harder, but we feel … less cut off. I know Edward is dead and it cannot matter to him anymore; it isn’t reasonable, but I feel closer to him, however it hurts.”
She looked at him with a curious need to be understood. Perhaps she had explained precisely this to other people, and they had tried to dissuade her, not realizing that for her, being excluded from her son’s suffering was not a kindness but an added loss.
“Of course,” he agreed quietly. His own situation was utterly different, yet any knowledge would surely be better than this uncertainty. “The imagination conjures so many things, and one feels the pain of them all, until one knows.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “You understand? So many friends have tried to persuade me into acceptance, but it gnaws away at the back of my mind, a sort of dreadful doubt. I read the newspapers sometimes”—she blushed—“when my husband is out of the house. But I don’t know what to believe of them. Their accounts are—” She sighed, crumpling her handkerchief in her lap, her fingers clinging around it. “Well, they are sometimes a little softened so as not to distress us, or make us feel critical of those in command. And they are sometimes at variance with each other.”
“I don’t doubt it.” He felt an unreasonable anger for the confusion of this woman, and all the silent multitude like her, grieving for their dead and being told that the truth was too harsh for them. Perhaps it was, perhaps many could not have borne it, but they had not been consulted, simply told; as their sons had been told to fight. For what? He had no idea. He had looked at many newspapers in the last few weeks, trying to learn, and he still had only the dimmest notion—something to do with the Turkish Empire and the balance of power.
“Joscelin used to speak to us so—so carefully,” she went on softly, watching his face. “He told us a great deal about how he felt, and Edward must have felt the same. I had had no idea it was so very dreadful. One just doesn’t know, sitting here in England—” She stared at him anxiously. “It wasn’t very glorious, you know—not really. So many men dead, not because the enemy killed them, but from the cold and the disease. He told us about the hospital at Scutari. He was there, you know; with a wound in his leg. He suffered quite appallingly. He told us about seeing men freezing to death in the winter. I had not known the Crimea was cold like that. I suppose it was because it was east from here, and I always think of the East as being hot. He said it was