The Woman in the Dunes - Machi Abe [31]
Well, if that were all, it was nothing to get so serious about. If the Möbius man had not had the same reaction as his other colleagues, it was doubtful whether he would have been so obstinate.
He had tentatively trusted the man, a pop-eyed fellow, who always looked as if he had just washed his face and who was enthusiastic about unions. He had once sincerely tried revealing his inner thoughts, which he seldom disclosed to anyone.
“What do you think? I have considerable doubt about a system of education that imputes meaning to life.”
“What do you mean by ‘meaning’?”
“In other words, an illusory education that makes one believe that something is when it really isn’t. Therefore I’m very interested in sand in this instance, because, even though it’s a solid, it has definite hydrodynamic properties.”
The other, perplexed, had bent forward, arching his back like a cat. But his expression, as before, had remained open. He had not appeared to find the idea particularly unpleasant. Someone had once commented that the man resembled a Möbius strip. A Möbius strip is a length of paper, twisted once, the two ends of which are pasted together, thus forming a surface that has neither front nor back. Had they meant that this man’s union life and his private life formed a Möbius circle? He remembered feeling a certain admiration for the man, and at the same time cynicism.
“In other words, do you mean realistic education?”
“No. The reason I brought up the example of sand was because in the final analysis I rather think the world is like sand. The fundamental nature of sand is very difficult to grasp when you think of it in its stationary state. Sand not only flows, but this very flow is the sand. I’m sorry I can’t express it better.”
“But I understand what you mean. Because in practical education you can’t avoid getting involved in relativism, can you?”
“No, that’s not it. You yourself become sand. You see with the eyes of sand. Once you’re dead you don’t have to worry about dying any more.”
“You must be an idealist. I think you must be afraid of your students—aren’t you?”
“I am, because I think my students are something like sand.”
The man had laughed heartily, showing his white teeth, but not once had he appeared disturbed by the discordant exchange. His pop-eyes had quite disappeared between the folds of skin. Jumpei had not been able to repress a vague smile. The other was really quite like a Möbius circle. He was indeed a Möbius circle—in both a good and a bad sense. On the good face of it, he really deserved praise.
But, speaking of a Möbius circle, the other had frankly shown the same gray envy of his holiday as his colleagues had. It seemed a far cry from a Möbius circle. He was disappointed, but at the same time pleased. Anyone was apt to be ill-natured with virtue. And so, he had come to take increasing pleasure in his teasing.
And then the letter … the irretrievable card that had already been delivered. The obsession in his dream the night before had had a very definite cause.
It would be false to claim that there was absolutely no love between him and the other woman. It was simply that theirs was a somewhat obscure relationship in which, mutually at odds as they were, he could never be sure of her. If, for example, he were to say that marriage was, in the final analysis, like cultivating undeveloped land, she would retort, angrily and unreasonably, that it meant having to make a cramped house bigger. Or, if he were to say the opposite, she would still take the contrary stand. It was a seesaw game that had been tirelessly repeated for a full two years and four months. Perhaps it would be better to say that, rather than losing their passion, they had frozen it by over-idealizing it.
And then he had decided quite suddenly to let her know by