The World According to Bertie - Alexander Hanchett Smith [141]
Cyril watched him. He knew, in some extraordinary, non-conceptual way, that the events at the door concerned him. But what had he done wrong? He could think of nothing. All he had ever done was to be a dog, which deserved no blame – and perhaps no praise either. But the ways of the gods were arbitrary, as in Greece of old, and the manner in which Angus was looking at him now made Cyril realise that this was serious – extremely so.
92. The Drawing of Fibs
When it was announced to the class that Miss Harmony was to be replaced, there was a sudden, shocked silence. For a few minutes, the children were left alone, waiting for the arrival of the new teacher, and it was in this period that recriminations were fervently aired.
‘Somebody told on her,’ said Tofu. ‘Somebody’s mummy went and complained because she had heard about Miss Harmony’s act of self-defence.’
People reacted in different ways to this. For his part, Bertie froze. He had an inkling of the fact that it was his mother who was responsible for the downfall of Miss Harmony, but he had no intention of revealing this.
‘Not my mother,’ he said, in a small voice.
Everybody looked at him, and he blushed. He was a truthful boy and he would not normally tell a lie, but, in this case, he felt he could say what he said because he had no actual proof that Irene had been the cause of Miss Harmony’s departure. Moreover, on a strict construction, all he had said was ‘Not my mother’, which was a sentence capable of many interpretations. ‘Not my mother’ could mean: may misfortune strike others, but not my mother (the first phrase being understood). Or it could be a general denial of maternity; there were many senses in which the statement could be read. So it was not really a lie.
‘Nobody said it was her,’ said Larch, suspiciously. ‘Although . . .’ He left the rest of the sentence unfinished, and Bertie quaked.
‘Bertie only said that because he knows that everybody hates his mother,’ said Tofu kindly. ‘Isn’t that so, Bertie?’
Bertie swallowed. ‘Well . . .’ He trailed off. They knew what his mother was like – there was no point in trying to hide it; but did they actually hate her?
Tofu’s pronouncement evoked a very different reaction in Olive. ‘Self-defence?’ she said, glowering at Tofu. ‘What do you mean by self-defence, Tofu?’
‘I meant what I said,’ retorted Tofu hotly. ‘Miss Harmony only pinched your ear because you were threatening her. I saw you. I saw you try to scratch her. And I’m going to tell everybody. I’m going to tell the other teachers.’
Olive’s eyes opened wide in outrage. ‘Scratch her? I never did. You’re a liar, Tofu! Everybody knows what lies you tell. Nobody will believe a liar like you.’
‘I will,’ said Larch. ‘I’ll tell them that Tofu’s telling the truth. I’ll tell them that you had your hands round Miss Harmony’s neck and that she had to pinch you to bring you to your senses.’
‘Precisely,’ said Tofu. ‘And Bertie will say the same thing. And Lakshmi. And everybody, in fact, because everybody knows how horrid you are, and they’ll blame you when Miss Harmony commits suicide. In fact, she’s probably done that already. That’s what people do when they’re falsely accused of things.’
‘Yes,’ said Larch. ‘She’s probably climbing up the Scott Monument right now . . .’ He leaned forward and pointed an accusing finger at Olive. ‘And it’ll be your fault, Olive! Your fault!’
Olive opened her mouth to say something, but was prevented from doing so by Tofu. ‘So,’ he said. ‘We have to find out who told on Miss Harmony and we have to get that person to say that it was all made up and that it was self-defence, as I’ve said.’
‘And then we’ll get Miss Harmony back,’ said Pansy. ‘Because she was the nicest teacher