The World According to Bertie - Alexander Hanchett Smith [51]
‘Oh well,’ said Matthew. ‘I know who I am. But let’s not disagree. If you don’t mind, tell me what happened.’
34. Miss Harmony has a Word in Bertie’s Ear
On the day that Olive was due to come to visit Scotland Street, Bertie went to school with a heavy heart. He had pleaded with his mother to cancel the invitation, but his entreaties had been rejected, as they always seemed to be.
‘But Bertie, carissimo,’ said Irene. ‘One cannot cancel an invitation! Pacta sunt servanda! You can’t uninvite people once you’ve invited them! That’s not the way adults behave.’
‘I’m not an adult, Mummy,’ said Bertie. ‘I think that boys are allowed to uninvite people. I promise you, Mummy; they are. Tofu invited me to his house once and cancelled the invitation ten minutes later. He does that all the time.’
‘What Tofu does or does not do is of no concern to us, Bertie,’ said Irene. ‘As you well know, I have reservations about Tofu.’
Bertie thought he might try another tack. ‘But I’ve read about invitations being cancelled by grown-ups,’ he said. ‘The Turks invited the Pope to see them and then some of them said that he shouldn’t come, didn’t they?’
Irene sighed. ‘I’m sure that the Turks didn’t mean to be rude,’ she said. ‘And I’m sure that the Pope would have understood that. I’m also one hundred per cent sure that if the Pope invites you to the Vatican, the invitation is never cancelled. So we cannot possibly uninvite Olive. And we don’t want to, anyway! It’s going to be tremendous fun.’
Bertie had abandoned his attempt to persuade his mother. But in a last, desperate throw of the dice, on the morning of the visit, using a red ballpoint pen, he applied several spots to his right forearm and presented this with concern to his mother.
‘I don’t think that Olive will be able to come to play, Mummy,’ he said, trying to appear regretful. ‘It looks like I’ve got measles, again.’
Irene had inspected the spots and then laughed. ‘Dear Bertie,’ she said. ‘Have no fear. Red ballpoint ink is not infectious. Messy, perhaps, but not infectious.’
At school that morning, it was not long before Olive had an opportunity to make her plans known.
‘I’m going to Bertie’s house this afternoon,’ she volunteered, adding: ‘by invitation.’
‘How nice!’ said Miss Harmony. ‘It is very encouraging, children, when we see you all getting on together so well. We are one big, happy family here, and it is good to see the girls playing nicely with the boys, and vice versa.’
Bertie said nothing.
‘I don’t think Bertie wants her to go,’ said Tofu. ‘Look at his face, Miss Harmony.’
Miss Harmony glanced at Bertie. ‘I’m sure that you’re mistaken, Tofu. Bertie is a very polite boy, unlike some boys.’ She tried not to look at Tofu when she said this, but her eyes just seemed to slide inexorably in his direction.
‘No, I’m not mistaken,’ said Tofu. ‘Bertie hates Olive. Everybody knows that. It’s because she’s so bossy.’
Olive spun round and glared at Tofu. ‘Bertie doesn’t hate me,’ she said. ‘Otherwise, why would he invite me to his house? Answer me that, Tofu!’
Bertie opened his mouth to say something, but Miss Harmony, sensing complications, immediately changed the subject, and the class resumed its reading exercise. But later, when everybody was involved in private work, she bent down and whispered in Bertie’s ear. ‘Is it true, Bertie? Did you invite Olive to play?’
‘No,’ whispered Bertie. ‘I didn’t, Miss Harmony. It’s my mother. She invited her. I don’t want to play with Olive, I really don’t. I want to play with other boys. I want to have fun.’
Miss Harmony slipped her arm over his shoulder. ‘I’m sure that you must have some fun, Bertie. I’m sure you do.’
‘Not really, Miss Harmony,’ said Bertie. ‘You see my mother thinks—’ He broke off. He was not sure what his mother thought. It was all too complicated.
The teacher crouched beside him. Bertie could smell the scent that she used,