Then They Came for Me_ A Family's Story of Love, Captivity, and Survival - Maziar Bahari [108]
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From the day I’d arrived in Evin, I’d feared spending the month of Ramadan there. As a nonreligious person, I didn’t know how I’d withstand the experience of not being able to eat all day. Maryam had told me about prisoners being punished for eating during Ramadan while she was in jail, but to my surprise, on the first day of Ramadan, Brown Sandals came to ask me my plans: Would I be fasting or did I have a medical excuse to exempt me?
“I’ve had ulcers in the past,” I quickly replied. “I’d like to fast, but doing so usually makes them worse.”
He accepted my excuse without asking questions, and I felt an enormous sense of relief when breakfast, lunch, and dinner were delivered to my cell that day at the normal hours.
Ramadan is the month when Allah gives his servants the opportunity to repent and carry out good deeds, for which he bestows multiple rewards. As Muslim scholars explain, fasting during Ramadan doesn’t only mean not eating; it also includes refraining from anything that is not in line with praising Allah. Muslims are expected to have only clean thoughts and engage only in chaste deeds during Ramadan. They should also avoid using profanities and obscene gestures, which is why I was partly confused—and wholly horrified—by the turn of events that occurred on the third day of Ramadan, when Rosewater finally called me back to his interrogation room. After his failure to connect me with the reformists, foreign intelligence agencies, or the Jews, I was not sure what Rosewater’s modus operandi would be the next time I saw him. He greeted me by placing a thick pink folder on my chair.
“Chetori, gherti?” he said, asking me how I was doing while also referring to me with a derogatory term for a superficial person who thinks only about fashion and his or her appearance. “Do you know what’s in this folder?” he asked, slapping the back of my head. Since it is also a rule that during Ramadan Muslims must refrain from fighting, I’d been hoping that these sessions would take place without their typical violence. I was wrong. “This is the documentation of all your dirty, improper conducts.”
He opened the folder and showed me its contents. There were printouts of hundreds of my email messages and the Facebook pages of different friends, as well as a long list of the names of people I knew, in messy handwriting. They were all women.
“Do you think you can get away with kardan”—with fucking—“any woman you want, gherti?” He sat on the table in front of me. “I want you to go through this list of women and point out to me which ones you screwed. Then you will tell me how much you paid each woman for doing her.”
If he hadn’t been hitting the back of my head, I wouldn’t have been sure whether or not he was serious. “No, sir. You have it wrong. These are not girlfriends. These are just women I know professionally, and some who have added me on Facebook, some of whom I’ve never even met.”
“Oh, really?” Rosewater said. “Why don’t you have the name of my aunt here?”
“I’m really not sure what you’re getting at, sir,” I somehow found the courage to say. “Did you arrest me for improper relationships or the other charges you’ve brought against me?”
“What did you say?” He kicked my leg. “We’re getting really cheeky here, aren’t we? Do you think that because you haven’t been executed yet, our plans are to leave you alone? Well, my friend, let me explain. This is what we’ve decided: you’re not only a spy but also a mofsed fel arz.”
I had always dreaded that expression, which means “someone who corrupts the earth.” Corruption can be by means of actions or thoughts, and can include anything the Islamic regime deems unsavory. Thousands of people have been executed for this charge since the establishment of the Islamic Republic.
The surprise I’d felt at Rosewater’s stupidity turned to fear. While I knew he didn’t have any evidence that I had engaged in espionage or acted against national security, I had had premarital relationships, and it wouldn’t have been too difficult to find the names of