Then They Came for Me_ A Family's Story of Love, Captivity, and Survival - Maziar Bahari [145]
According to another anonymous guardsman, “The Big Guy still thinks you are a spy and follows your every move. He never fails to remind his bosses that you shouldn’t have been released.”
What seems to be particularly incensing to the Guards is my invitation to nonviolence and peaceful resistance against Khamenei’s regime. In almost all the interviews I’ve done since my release, I’ve emphasized that the most successful achievement of the regime would be transforming the opposition into a mirror image of the regime itself: a vicious, bigoted thug. “The Guards understand violence,” an Iranian diplomat told me. “But your insistence on nonviolence is difficult for them to fathom, and because of that they are cursing themselves for letting you go.” The man who woke me up on that morning in June 2009 and put me through a nightmare for 118 days lives a nightmare every day. He is the one who spends his time in Evin, in a small, dark room, beating and humiliating innocent people. He is just another employee of a bad system, a by-product of ignorance and religious zealotry. One of these days I’ll send him a package, addressed care of Evin Prison, Tehran, Iran. The package will include a plane ticket to New Jersey, a collection of Chekhov plays, and a Leonard Cohen CD. And, before I forget, a new perfume.
Javadi may still hold a personal grudge against me, but I can honestly say that I feel no animosity toward him. In the first few weeks after my release, I was practically allergic to the smell of rosewater—one whiff would make me nauseous—and I dreamt of him almost every night. But soon after Marianna’s birth, those nightmares were interrupted by her cries. When I held Marianna in my arms, I did not think of anything except for how much I love her and how much I want to share with her in the future. These days I rarely have nightmares about Rosewater; even the scent of rosewater doesn’t bother me anymore. Moloojoon, Paola, and Marianna are my world. Marianna is learning Persian, and I will try to keep her aware of her roots. She will be part of a generation who will make a better Iran, and a better world. I only wish Maryam and Baba Akbar were here to see her growing up. I’m sure they would be proud of her.
Acknowledgments
This acknowledgment can’t do justice to those who have done nothing less than save my life. I am indebted to anyone whose thoughts, words, and actions saved me from languishing in Evin Prison.
Nisid Hajari, Christopher Dickey, Fareed Zakaria, Jon Meacham, Mark Miller, Daniel Klaidman, Lally Weymouth, Frank De Maria, and all my former colleagues at Newsweek launched the most amazing campaign for my release. While doing so, they had the full support of Don Graham and Ann McDaniel of the Washington Post Company.
Newsweek, The Washington Post, and their lawyer Robert Kimmitt successfully rallied international diplomats and dignitaries to support me in private and public meetings with Iranian officials. I especially have to thank American secretary of state Hillary Clinton; former secretary of state Madeleine Albright; Bishop Desmond Tutu (thanks, Susan, John, and everyone at Search for Common Ground); Canadian foreign minister Lawrence Cannon; Canadian prime minister Stephen Harper; as well as Canadian consular and diplomatic officers in Tehran, London, and Ottawa. Canadian opposition leaders Michael Ignatieff of the Liberal Party and Jack Layton of the New Democratic Party (thanks, Amy Marcus) also did their utmost to bring public attention to my case. Dozens of diplomats from all around the world do not want their names mentioned, but I appreciate their efforts and thank them all.
The help of my friends at Channel 4 News—Deborah Rayner (as well as