_There Are Things I Want You to Know_ About Stieg Larsson and Me - Eva Gabrielsson [47]
When I get home, I send an email to Joakim telling him everything. He replies that there must certainly be some way to carry out Stieg’s wishes and set up the company, even after the fact.
Saturday, January 15
MESSAGE FROM Joakim on the answering machine. I call him back to tell him in detail about the shock I got at the Thursday meeting when I learned that nothing had been done, which meant that I didn’t exist. Joakim feels it should be enough to tell Weyler that an oral agreement existed with Stieg that everything should come to me. And he adds that Weyler phoned Erland, who’d been unable to explain what was said. Then that evening, Erland calls me to say he agrees with me about having the chairman of Expo, Per-Erik Nilsson, handle everything, especially the negotiations with Norstedts.
THE NEXT day, I speak with Per-Erik, who agrees to represent me. I’m greatly relieved that someone like him—a lawyer, a former judge, the former head of the Judicial Department of the Council of State under Prime Minister Olof Palme, a former chief ombudsman of Sweden—is taking charge of what I cannot handle on my own.
We meet for the first time on January 21 at the offices of Expo, since I’ve gone back to work up in Falun as of January 10, and am out of Stockholm for four days a week.
I send an email to Joakim to explain all this and let him know that Per-Erik will be contacting him and Erland. Joakim tells me to keep my chin up, saying that I’m right to entrust the handling of this business to an experienced lawyer. He tells me again that there must be some way to deal with this that effectively proceeds just as if Stieg and I had been married. He signs off by asking me to take care of myself.
In mid-February, the inventory of assets is completed. Stieg’s father and brother did not come to the meeting at the lawyer’s office.
Tuesday, February 22
I WORKED all day long at the office, and dealt efficiently with a respectable number of files. I even spent a long time digging through the EU directives and regulations to find the rest of some information I needed.
This evening, at home, all became silent and calm. Surrounded by this silence, concentrating on myself, I began to cry. Wrenching sobs, dreadfully deep. Everything I have lost is in this suffering, along with a cruel feeling of insecurity. During the day, there’s no room for silence, or sorrow: they’re beaten down. In the evening, though, they rise again, stretching delicately, almost tenderly, and they take up all the room.
Sunday, March 20
A FEW weeks ago, I’d made up my mind to consult a crisis therapist, but after the tsunami last December in Southeast Asia, all of the psychological assistance services offered by the county council have been devoted as a matter of priority to survivors of that tragedy. It’s been five months since Stieg died, and I’ve only just now found a private therapist. We met for the first time today. After all those months when I couldn’t manage to express my pain, suddenly I’m being asked to talk about it. I still can’t do it. I could only paint a picture of what I feel like: a ball.
Thursday, March 24
I’VE RECEIVED several emails from Joakim this month about inheritance taxes and accounting surpluses. He also informed me that Weyler had sent him the first volume of The Millennium Trilogy and asked me if I’d gotten one, too. I had no idea what he was talking about. After March 24, I never heard from Joakim again.
Tuesday, March 29
AFTER EASTER weekend, I took two and a half days off because I didn’t have the courage to go up to Falun for such a short time. I stayed in Stockholm to change the apartment around a bit. I wanted to clear the books out of Stieg’s office, which is also the guest room, and rearrange the furniture. So his whole life passed through my hands. Sorting out his beloved books, his warmth and insatiable curiosity became tangible,