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Her scream became full-voiced, and it entered me like a knife in the gut, and then the thought came as a prayer, I just want to die.

The pain returned, somehow more brilliant than before, the machine vibrating beneath me as the gears resumed their terrible revolutions.

Now Vi was shouting my name, begging me to give back the pain and everything in my being was screaming for my thumb to push the button and oblige her, to stop these cables from tearing me apart.

The words must have been buried deep in my subconscious—I couldn’t recall having ever thought them—but suddenly I was scream-shouting, "I’LL BE HIM, LUTHER! PLEASE GOD STOP THIS! I’LL BE HIM! I’LL BE ORSON! I’LL BE MY BROTHER! I SWEAR TO GOD!"

I must have blacked out.

When I opened my eyes, my arms and legs burned but the tension was gone and the gurney no longer hummed beneath me.

I blinked through the tears.

Luther’s face was inches from mine.

Pale. Unblemished. Ageless.

His black eyes brimming with something I’d never seen in them before—real emotion.

Rage.

Confusion.

A bottomless sorrow.

"You miss him, don’t you?" I asked.

"Are you fucking with me?"

"Luther—"

"You think this is pain? I can break your mind."

"Listen to me. Do you know what my life has been these last several years? What Orson, what you have tried to make me? And I fought it and I fought it and I fought it…and now I’m done. Fucking done. We were twins, Luther. Do you understand that bond? Since his death, I’ve felt Orson inside of me, and he’s just been getting stronger."

"You’d say anything to escape this pain."

"Maybe that’s true. Or maybe what you said about pain is true. How it can make us learn about ourselves. And I’ve experienced nothing from you and my brother in the last eight years but pain. Physical, emotional, psychological."

Vi said, "Andy, nothing you say is going to—"

"Shut the fuck up! Do you remember, Luther, what you said to me in the desert all those years ago?"

He just stared at me.

"You told me, ‘We all want blood.’ And you know what? You were right."

I could see the wheels beginning to turn.

Traction.

I said, "You miss him, don’t you?"

"Yes." He said it with no emotion but for the faintest glimmer of heartbreak in his eyes.

"You think my twin and I don’t share some core, elemental chemistry?"

"You’re lying."

"Have you read my books?"

"They’re just that, Andy. Books. And how long did you scream that they didn’t reflect what was really inside of you?"

"You think it’s easy coming to terms with this?"

"You’re lying."

"Let me prove it."

This provoked a smile.

"You think this is bullshit?" I asked.

"I kind of do."

"I won’t kill her."

"Excuse me?"

"I won’t kill Violet," I said. "But I’ll hurt her. Bad."

His black eyes bored into me.

"This is real, Luther. This is happening. I know you’re lonely. There aren’t many out there like us. Who share our view of the world. It’s hard. But I’m there with you."

"No one’s with me."

"Well if you never trust, then you’ll never know."

"I’ve never trusted anyone, Andy. Not even your brother."

"But you loved him. As much as you’re capable of loving anything beyond your own gratification."

He looked at Violet.

I told myself as the words streamed out of my mouth that it was all a lie. The only way to save us.

"Don’t tell me this isn’t what you want, Luther. A connection with someone else like you. You aren’t completely inhuman."

The pain was flowing back into my legs and arms.

The strap across my forehead digging into my skin.

"You’re going to hurt her," he said.

"Yes."

"You’re going to do exactly what I tell you."

"Yes. And then you’ll let her go."

"But she’ll come back. She’ll look for this place. For me and for—"

"No," I said. "I promise you. She will never come back."

I could barely stand. It had been days.

The muscles in my legs as taut as steel cables.

He’d just jammed a syringe-full of painkiller into the side of my leg, and the effect couldn’t come quickly enough.

Luther had to help me across the concrete floor, ice-cold against the bare soles of my feet.

We stopped