Things I Want My Daughters to Know_ A Novel - Elizabeth Noble [115]
“I’m sorry. I’m a bit jealous, I suppose.” Then, before he could stop himself, “I know, though, Amanda. I know about your dad.”
“What?” Now she looked astonished. “Mum told you?”
“No, no. She never said a word!”
“Lisa told you?”
“No. Jennifer told me.”
“Lisa told Jennifer?”
“Yeah.”
“I asked her not to. I specifically asked her not to.”
Mark looked down at the counter. He felt as though he’d stepped off solid ground into conversational quicksand.
“I don’t think anyone told anyone anything in malice.”
That wasn’t true. Malice was the perfect word for Jennifer that night. She’d wanted to spoil something. A memory, a feeling…
“But you’ve all been talking about me.”
“Hannah doesn’t know.”
“Oh no. That wouldn’t do. We have to protect Hannah, don’t we? The baby.”
“That’s uncalled for.”
“Everyone talking about me behind my back, that’s what’s uncalled for.”
“Why are you getting so angry? We’re your family.”
Amanda made a noise of triumph. “Sort of. I’m mad because they had no right. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Hey…” Mark reached for her. If that was the problem, he could fix it. “It didn’t hurt me. I admit, to begin with, I was shocked. But I’m okay. It really wasn’t anything to do with me. It’s you we’ve all been worried about.”
A car pulled up. Hannah came running in, Lisa following with her arms full of shopping. Mark moved to take the bags from her while Hannah hugged Amanda.
“Hey, stranger! It’s so nice to see you!”
If Lisa wondered why Amanda’s greeting to her was a little frosty, she was stopped from asking by Mark’s frantic eye signals. They made small talk while Hannah was downstairs. Eventually, Hannah said she needed to send some texts and get back to studying and went upstairs.
“What’s up?” Lisa asked her sister. “You seem cross.”
“I am cross. You told Jennifer. About Dad.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because she told Mark?”
“She told you?” Lisa turned to Mark.
“You didn’t know?”
“No. You didn’t tell me.” Lisa looked accusingly at her stepfather.
“Blimey. I see only some of the lines of communication are running well around here. The ones that aren’t supposed to be.”
“Mand…”
“You shouldn’t have told her, Lisa. I asked you not to.”
“I didn’t think she’d betray the confidence.”
“What—like you did?” Amanda laughed. “Right!”
“I was concerned for you.”
“And that was going to help how exactly?”
“I don’t know.” Lisa looked a little shamefaced.
“And Jen told you, Mark, why? Out of concern for me?”
She told me to hurt me, Mark thought, but dared not say out loud.
Lisa perched on a bar stool next to Amanda and spoke to her as gently as she could. “I don’t understand why you’re so upset. If you want to be upset about what happened, with Mum, then that’s fine, but I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal about who knows. I really don’t.”
“I’m upset about the whole bloody thing. Don’t you see?” Lisa could see that her sister was close to tears. Amanda turned away and went upstairs without saying another word.
And Lisa felt like crying herself.
Lisa
Lisa couldn’t bear to call him on the phone. She was afraid of hearing the coldness in his voice, terrified of long, awkward pauses. At home, Cee Cee might answer. At work, it might be his secretary, or a colleague. Who might know, or might not know. What she’d done, what had happened, how things were between them now. She couldn’t call him.
But she needed to see him. Everything was going wrong. Nothing could be right without him. She felt like she was failing all the people she loved.
She waited for him to come out of the office. She sat on a bench opposite the entrance to his office and waited. She arrived at 4:30 P.M. and sat there, hardly moving, not reading, just watching the faces of the people leaving the building until 6:00 P.M., when he came out and saw her sitting there. She stood up and hovered, and for a moment he hovered, too, as though he was deciding whether to walk away. After a long pause—and she was sure