Things I Want My Daughters to Know_ A Novel - Elizabeth Noble [121]
Barbara had always said that he was the one for her daughter. She hadn’t necessarily had that sense with Stephen and Jennifer. She said, the night before their wedding, that she had her fingers crossed for the two of them. She’d always thought she needn’t have kept them crossed for Andy and Lisa. She said it was an obvious fit. She said Andy reminded her of him, a little, and maybe that was why, since Lisa reminded her so very much of herself.
And now he wanted to see if he could help.
“I suppose not.”
“How is she?”
Mark shrugged. “She looks about as good as you do.” Andy’s hair had grown over his collar. He looked disheveled and a little unkempt. His suit needed pressing, and his shoes were unpolished. He looked thin, too.
“Thanks.”
Mark leaned forward on his elbows now. “She’s dreadful. I’ve never seen her like this, Andy. And I’m not telling you this to make you feel sorry for her. I just need you to know. She isn’t sleeping, she’s barely eating. She’s weepy, she’s…she’s heartbroken.”
Andy rubbed one hand across his eyes. “I suppose you know everything?”
Mark didn’t want to talk in code. “I know about the…affair she had, yes. I hope you don’t mind?”
“Mind?” Andy looked like this was mildly amusing.
“Mind her talking to me.”
“No, I don’t mind that. No machismo at play here, I assure you.”
“I see that. So, yes, I know what happened.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“What do you think?”
“About what she did?”
Andy nodded. “Well…” The question blindsided him a little. Wasn’t it obvious? “I think she was a bloody idiot. I honestly don’t know what she was playing at, stupid girl, and I don’t think she does, either.”
Andy nodded again.
“I’m not making any excuses for her at all, Andy, so please don’t think I am. I don’t think there are any excuses for that sort of behavior. It’s stupid and cruel and destructive and dishonest. It’s all of those things. God knows, I’m no expert. I don’t know whether she did it to keep you at arm’s length, or to test you, or…or whether she was just…mad for a bit. I don’t know why. And if I were you, I’d feel just like you feel. Or like I imagine you feel. But, for what it’s worth, I’ll tell you the one thing I do know…what I do absolutely and completely believe…that she loves you.”
“What makes you so sure of that?”
“She wouldn’t be in the state she is now if she didn’t.”
Andy didn’t say anything, so Mark asked the question he really wanted answered.
“How do you feel?” And got the answer he had hoped for. The answer that meant there was hope.
“I love her.”
“I know you do.”
They both drank, and sat. The silence was sad, but not awkward.
Eventually, Andy put his glass down.
“I’m not trying to punish her.”
“No.”
“I just don’t know if we can recover from this, you know? If I can. It’s a cliché, isn’t it? Forgive and forget. Either or. Or both. Don’t know which one is more important.”
“I think there has to be both.”
“I know.”
“And I think both have to be real.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I don’t think you can make yourself feel those things. If you forgive her, you have to forgive her one hundred percent. And if you forget, you have to forget forever. As in it never ever gets mentioned again. Not brought up in an argument. Not used as a weapon or a bargaining tool, or an excuse. It just goes away.”
“That sounds impossible.”
“Only you can know whether it is or not.”
“Do you think my ability to do that or not depends on how much I love her?”
Mark thought for a moment. “Entirely.”
“So if I love her enough, I can do that?”
“I think so, yes.”
“Could you have done it, if it had been Barbara?”
“By those criteria…too right. I loved her more than anything. The worst thing would have been losing her.”
He stared at his beer as the irony washed over them both.
Then, still looking down, and more quietly, he almost whispered, “Don’t lose Lisa, Andy.”
April