Things I Want My Daughters to Know_ A Novel - Elizabeth Noble [137]
“No. I don’t think you really meant to, and you didn’t. I can’t say I wasn’t surprised by what you told me. I was. But not really…shocked…somehow. And it’s okay. It had nothing to do with me—what happened.”
“I know.”
“That was how her first marriage worked, I guess. It wasn’t how ours did.”
“I know. But I upset you.”
“Do you know what upset me?”
Jennifer shook her head, still not entirely comfortable with meeting his eyes.
“The thought that she might have believed that I would have thought less of her. The fact that there were things I never told her for the same reason. The wastefulness of that worry. You know?”
Jennifer nodded.
“None of that matters, you see. It’s all so very simple, when you love someone. Really love someone.”
She had tears in her eyes now.
“Your unhappiness. That’s the worst part. She would want me to help you. She wanted to help you. She was waiting for you for talk to her. You know that?”
He held Jennifer’s hand. Now she looked at him and smiled.
“What?”
“I’m not unhappy anymore, Mark.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not unhappy. Me and Stephen? We’re fixing things. We’ve both been making each other so bloody miserable, and we both thought we knew what the other one thought, and never bothered asking, and that’s why things were so bad, why they weren’t getting any better.”
“And?”
“And we talked. Skiing. We actually, finally sat down and really, really talked. About whether we wanted to be in this marriage. And we do. We both do. Baby or no baby. For each other.”
“That’s great. That’s really great.”
She held his hand. “It is great. All this time I’ve been letting my stupid foolish pride, and my oh-so-arrogant assumption that I understood everyone and everything, stop myself from admitting the problem.”
Mark smiled shyly and nodded a little.
“And I made it so bloody complicated. And it isn’t, is it? Loving someone. You could have told me that a long time ago, couldn’t you, if I’d just asked you? Or Mum could have. You two understood it better than anyone else all along.”
“Understood what?”
Lisa was back, looking for her replenished glass. “Understood what?” she repeated.
“Love. And how simple it is.” Jennifer replied. “I was just saying that Stephen and I have turned things around. Sorted things out. For the better.”
“Bloody hell—how long was I in there? You two have gone all deep and meaningful on me, have you?”
“Sorry.”
“And it isn’t, by the way. Simple. At all. That’s just some hokey Hallmark thing you’ve got going on.”
“It is. Like you and Andy. I know what’s happened. But it doesn’t matter. If you love each other. You’ve just got to make him see it, too.”
Lisa was gesturing to the waitress. “Pardon my cynicism. I’m glad you’ve unraveled the deepest secrets of the universe. Doesn’t mean we all have.”
“Either you and Andy love each other, or you don’t. The rest is all crap.”
“I love him. Think I managed to cure him completely of loving me. When I shagged someone else—someone, incidentally, who I absolutely didn’t love. Smart move, hey? So that’s my problem, isn’t it? End of story. I don’t think a Pollyanna approach is going to be of much use to me, in this situation. Can we talk about something else now, please? Otherwise I’ll be forced to sound really bitter—and no one likes their Singapore noodles with a side order of bitter and twisted, and then I’ll get drunk, and it’s only lunchtime….” She busied herself with the menu, but angry tears brimmed in her eyes and made the words hard to read.
It was horrible to see her so low. Mark felt it, and Jennifer felt it even more, since it stood in such sharp contrast to how she was feeling.
Lisa sniffed hard and tried to make them smile. “Tell us about your parallel turns, hey, Jen?”
IT WAS ALMOST FOUR WHEN THEY LEFT THE RESTAURANT. MARK offered to drive Lisa home, saying they could come back and get her car tomorrow, but she maintained she couldn’t park it overnight where it was and said she wanted to get some shopping done