Things I Want My Daughters to Know_ A Novel - Elizabeth Noble [147]
“Is there something wrong with that?”
“No. But we’re different, aren’t we?”
Andy didn’t say anything. Lisa couldn’t bear it.
“What did she say?”
“She showed me something your mum wrote before she died. Something in her journal. Pretty powerful tactic.”
“I’m sorry.” She wasn’t quite sure why she was apologizing for Jennifer’s actions. She’d kill her later.
“Don’t be. I always liked your mum.”
“And she liked you.” Lisa remembered Barbara’s letter—Ask Andy sometime…
“And she was right.”
“About what?”
“About what a waste of time it is, holding on to the bad stuff. I suppose when you know your time is limited, you find it easier to cut through the crap.”
“I suppose.”
“So…the point is this…I’m letting go of the bad stuff, Lisa.”
“Am I the bad stuff in this scenario?” She couldn’t tell from his voice, and he still wasn’t looking at her.
“No. What happened is the bad stuff.”
This was all too cryptic. She wished he would get on and say why he was here. She felt like she could barely breathe.
“I don’t understand what you’re saying to me, Andy.”
He turned so quickly that she jumped. Now he was looking right at her. She met his gaze and waited, like the accused waits for the foreman of the jury to speak.
“I’m saying I want to forget all about the last couple of months. I’m saying it’s not worth ruining everything for. It really isn’t. I believe you, after all, and I believe that. I’m saying I want you back.”
“Just like that?”
Andy whistled and shook his head. For a moment she thought she’d made him angry.
“Nothing ‘just like that’ about it. I wanted to take you back that first night, after you’d told me. At the bottom of it all. I never wanted you to leave. Not really. I was angry and I was hurt. Really hurt. But I never didn’t love you. I was just really afraid that you didn’t love me. That you couldn’t love me and do that.”
“Andy…I said all along…”
He put up one hand to stop her. “I know. I know. I get it. I think. You’re a bloody complicated woman, Lisa. I still don’t think I really understand why it happened. I don’t need to, as long as it never happens again.” She shook her head with vehemence. “Like I say, you’re a bloody complicated woman. But you’re my bloody complicated woman.”
“I’m so sorry, Andy….”
He gripped her shoulders tightly and brought his face close to hers.
“No more apologies. No more explanations. If I’m going to let it go, forever, then you have to, too. It has to just go away.”
“And you can do that?”
“If it means I can have you, then yes. I can. I have. I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t. I’m fed up with playing games, Lisa. If you come back, I have to have all of you come back. You have to mean it. Forever. Till death do us part. All of that stuff. No more bollocks.”
“Does that mean the proposal still stands?”
“Of course it does, you daft cow. Don’t you get it? What’s the point in coming back if I’m not coming back for all of it. I love you. You’re not getting the down-on-one-knee stuff this time, mind you. The moonlight and roses. You had that—it didn’t work, did it?” He was almost laughing now, and she felt that same laughter bubbling within her chest. Relief, delight, gratitude, joy. All at once. “This is the no-frills version.”
“Don’t I get the diamond back?”
“As a tenth-wedding-anniversary present—maybe!”
She put her arms around his neck and pulled him close, taking in his familiar smell, her hands in his hair, her lips on his neck. “I might be nuts, Lisa. But marry me.” She couldn’t see his face, but she could hear the tears in his voice.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will. I love you so much.”
THEY STAYED THAT WAY, ON THE BENCH, UNTIL IT GOT UNCOMFORTABLE and chilly. No more talking. They just hugged, and kissed. In a funny way, Lisa felt almost like nothing had ever happened. He really was an amazing man. She felt like she’d gotten herself back, as well as him.
Later, they wandered, hand in hand, in search of that gin and tonic.
“How’s Cee Cee?”
“She wants her ears pierced, and she wants her