Things I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me - Ben Karlin [0]
Compilation copyright © 2008 by Ben Karlin
Introduction copyright © 2008 by Ben Karlin
Graphic for “Nine Years Is the Exact Right Amount of Time to Be in a Bad Relationship” by Andro Buneta.
“The Heart Is a Choking Hazard” copyright 2008 by Stephen Colbert.
“Strange Gifts Can Scare” copyright 2008 by Marcel Dzama.
“Beware of Math Tutors Who Ride Motorcycles” copyright 2008 by Will Forte.
“She Wasn’t the One” by Bruce Jay Friedman was originally published as “Kneesocks” in Hampton Shorts magazine. Hampton Shorts, Inc. Volume 1, number 1. Summer 1996 © Bruce Jay Friedman.
“Being Awkward Can Be a Prophylactic Against Dry Humping” copyright 2008 by Matt Goodman.
“Always Make Her Feel Like She’s #1” copyright 2008 by Alex Gregory.
“Technology Can Be Friend and Foe” copyright 2008 by Alex Gregory.
“Lessons of a Cyclical Heart” copyright 2008 by Marcellus Hall.
“Things More Majestic and Terrible Than You Could Ever Imagine” copyright 2008 by Todd Hanson.
“Dirty Girls Make Bad Friends” copyright 2008 by A. J. Jacobs.
“You Too Will Get Crushed” copyright 2008 by Ben Karlin.
“Sometimes You Find a Lost Love, Sometimes You Don’t” copyright 2008 by Bob Kerrey.
“A Dog Is No Reason to Stay Together” copyright 2008 by Damian Kulash, Jr.
“Notes Towards a Unified Theory of Dumping” copyright 2008 by Sam Lipsyte.
“It Wasn’t Me, It Was Her” copyright 2008 by Rick Marin.
“Don’t Leave Too Much Room for the Holy Spirit” copyright 2008 by Tom McCarthy.
“Don’t Enter a Karaoke Contest Near Smith College; You Will Lose to Lesbians” copyright 2008 by Jason Nash.
“Nine Years Is the Exact Right Amount of Time to Be in a Bad Relationship” copyright 2008 by Bob Odenkirk.
“Dating a Stripper Is a Recipe for Perspective” copyright 2008 by Patton Oswalt, Lord Loudoun, Inc.
The first half of Neal Pollack’s “Don’t Come on Your Cat” was published, in somewhat different form, on Nerve.com.
“Get Dumped Before It Matters” copyright 2008 by David Rees.
“Girls Don’t Make Passes at Boys with Fat Asses” copyright 2008 by Andy Richter.
“I Still Like Jessica” copyright 2008 by Rodney Rothman.
“I Am a Gay Man” copyright 2008 by Dan Savage.
“You Can Encapsulate Feelings of Regret, Panic, and Desperation in a Two-and-a-Half-Minute Pop Song” copyright 2008 by Adam Schlesinger.
“Baby I’ve Changed” written by Adam Schlesinger and Chris Collingwood. Published by Vaguely Familiar Music and Monkey Demon Music. Copyright 2004.
“A Grudge Can Be Art” copyright 2008 by Andy Selsberg.
“Eggs Must Be Broken . . .” copyright 2008 by Tom Shillue.
“I’m Easy” by Paul Simms was originally published as “Four Short Crushes” in The New Yorker, April 30, 2007.
“Keep Some Secret Admirers Secret” copyright 2008 by Eric Slovin.
“Sex Is the Most Stressful Thing in the History of the Universe” copyright 2008 by Dan Vebber.
“Persistence Is for Suckers” copyright 2008 by David Wain.
“Women Are Never Too Young to Mess with Your Head” copyright 2008 by Larry Wilmore.
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Grand Central Publishing
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First eBook Edition: February 2008
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ISBN: 978-0-446-51138-4
Contents
Foreword: I Think My Son Is a Catch by Barbara Karlin
Introduction by Nick Hornby
Sex Is the Most Stressful Thing in the History of the Universe by Dan Vebber
Girls Don’t Make Passes at Boys with Fat Asses by Andy Richter
Beware of Math Tutors Who Ride Motorcycles by Will Forte
Persistence