This Is Why You're Fat_ Where Dreams Become Heart Attacks - Jessica Amason [1]
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to run about seven hundred miles.
Joe Garden
Features Editor
The Onion
Introduction
Food was once the providence of celebrated chefs and critical connoisseurs. Cooking shows featured all gourmet creations and websites displayed artfully photographed delights.
Then something changed.
Perhaps it was the desensitizing of Web culture or perhaps it was a cry for help from the food-loving public. But by God—there came a day when fancy vegetable towers came crashing down and fifty-dollar mushrooms were no longer acceptable. We wanted to see the old standbys, the carnival foods of our childhoods: the sticky mess of a deep-fried candy bar, the indulgence of a greasy burger with all the fixin’s. And the bacon! Oh, the bacon!
It was the birth of the nasty-food Web trend. And it was delicious.
This Is Why You’re Fat is an ode to this trend—whether seen as a commentary on North American dietary habits or a celebration of the deliciously bad—we’re devoted to the world’s obsession with over-the-top food.
If you’re wondering whether This Is Why You’re Fat functions as a warning or a menu, we like to think of it as a finger-wagging and high five in one.
The point is simple: This Is Why You’re Fat is where gusto meets gastronomy. The world cooked, we blogged.
Jessica Amason
March 2009
Corn Dog Pizza
The McNuggetini
Recipe by Alie Ward and Georgia Hardstark
1 bottle vanilla vodka
1 large McDonald’s chocolate milk shake
1 container McDonald’s barbecue sauce
2 Chicken McNuggets
Mix 3 to 4 shots of vanilla vodka in the McDonald’s chocolate milk shake. Rim each martini glass with McDonald’s barbecue sauce and pour the milk shake and vodka mixture into the glass. Garnish each with one McNugget.
Cracklin’
Pieces of pork fat, meat, and skin, twice deep-fried.
LOCAL FAVE!
Bayou Boudin & Cracklin’ Breaux Bridge, LA
Gravy Pizza
LOCAL FAVE!
House of Georgie Ottawa, Canada
Happy Meal Pizza
2 McDonald’s double cheeseburgers
1 6-piece Chicken McNuggets
1 order of large fries
1 can pizza sauce
1 bag shredded mozzarella cheese
1 12-inch Boboli pizza crust
Cook at 440°F for 10 minutes.
TriMacta
Deep-fried mac-and-cheese rolls on crema agria with bacon sprinkles.
Twinkie Weiner Sandwich
Inspired by the “Weird Al” Yankovic film UHF, a hot dog with a Twinkie for a bun topped with Cheez Whiz.
Taco Town Taco
Recipe by Doyle Dodd and Drew Sloan
Step One:
Take a crunchy beef taco filled with nacho cheese, lettuce, tomato, and Southwestern sauce and wrap it in a soft flour tortilla, layering refried beans in between.
Step Two:
Wrap in a corn tortilla with a layer of Monterey Jack cheese.
Step Three:
Wrap in a deep-fried gordita shell with guacamole sauce around it.
Step Four:
Bake in a corn husk and top with pico de gallo.
Step Five:
Wrap in a crepe filled with egg, Gruyère cheese, sausage, and portobello mushrooms.
Step Six:
Take the whole thing and wrap in a Chicago-style deep-dish “Meat Lovers” pizza.
Step Seven:
Wrap in a blueberry pancake.
Step Eight:
Dip in batter and deep-fry the entire thing.
Step Nine:
Serve with a spicy vegetarian chili dipping sauce.
Deep-Fried Sweets
Indulgent snacks like candy bars, chocolate crème eggs, and Twinkies make some of the best guilty-pleasure foods. But how, oh how, to take these premade treats to the next level? Once you’ve acclimated to the heart palpitations of an Oreo sugar rush, what is next on the horizon? You’re left with only one solution: break out the pot o’ oil and deep-fry those sweets! Oh yeah, we went there.
Deep-Fried Deviled Egg
Deep-Fried MoonPie
Deep-Fried Cadbury Crème Egg
Deep-Fried Oreo
Deep-Fried Twinkie
Deep-Fried Mars Bar
Deep-Fried Pop-Tart
Cadbury Egg Nog
Recipe by Seth Porges
10 Cadbury Crème Eggs
¾ cup sugar
3 cups whole milk