Thunder Dog - Michael Hingson [62]
Friends and family often asked if I had survivor’s remorse. I did not. I think it’s because there is no real answer to why Roselle and I survived when so many others did not. Traveling down that path, even briefly, led to an endless chain of what-ifs. What if the plane had hit the 78th floor of our building, like in the South Tower? What if David and I had remained longer in our offices, working to power down the computer servers? What if I had waited for help with evacuation? What if we had tried to get to David’s car in the parking lot right across the street from Tower 2? What if the South Tower had collapsed in a different direction? What if a piece of glass or metal had hit one of us?
My mind explored these questions and many others, but I soon gave it up. I don’t have the answers. I’m not sure why I lived. But I do know this: since I am alive, I must be here for a reason. I agree with Billy Graham, who spoke during the national prayer service at Washington National Cathedral on the Friday after the attacks. He said that we may never know why 9/11 happened, but we don’t have to, because God is the sovereign One. He uses each of us in different ways, and I choose to trust that he used me that day. I know he used Roselle. The two of us interacted with so many others; some I remember and some I’ve forgotten. I don’t know exactly what will come out of the part we played in September 11. I may never know. But I do know it’s all about planting seeds, seeds of forgiveness, healing, teamwork, and trust.
After the Larry King interview, I began to get other requests. One of the major weekly newsmagazines contacted me and wanted to do an interview at their offices. They asked me to show up in the clothes I was wearing on September 11. But the clothes had already been sent to the cleaners; in addition, the whole idea seemed tacky and sensationalized. I decided not to do the interview.
When invited, I did begin to tell the story and there seemed to be quite a bit of interest. Along with the television, radio, and print media requests came invitations to speak to groups in person. At first I was hesitant, and I wasn’t sure what I had to offer. I walked down a bunch of stairs to get out of the tower. So what? Walking down the stairs shouldn’t be viewed as incredible or heroic. But I began to see that there might be value in talking about some of the things I learned growing up blind that went a long way toward helping me survive that day. And people listened.
Within a few days, I started working back at my Quantum job again, first at home, then in rented offices in New Jersey. But my relationship with the company soured quickly. As sales manager, I was castigated for the drop in sales. Somehow the powers that be did not understand the working situation in New York. Many of my best clients were busy attending funerals, not purchasing computer backup systems. As a city and a region, we were struggling to get back on our feet and find a new normal. It was going to take a while. But the pressure was on to focus on getting sales, and there seemed to be a suspicion from corporate that we weren’t out doing our job. Even so, I exceeded both the third quarter and fourth quarter sales goals. However, the message from corporate was that not enough was being sold in the Mid-Atlantic region for their satisfaction. My media interviews didn’t help matters. It was an extremely difficult time for me and for Karen. Both of us had been through a traumatic experience that we were still struggling to make sense of, and we lived and worked in a community that was still living out the aftereffects of the worst terrorist attack ever on American soil. The pressure I felt was tremendous; I have always taken my work very seriously, and