Toad Away - Morris Gleitzman [35]
Limpy felt his warts droop with despair.
“There is someone who might know,” said Raoul.“We have a wise ancient being among us who knows the secrets of the forest. Secrets of dreams and magic. When he closes his eyes, nothing is hidden from him. He'd probably know.”
Limpy's mucus wobbled with excitement.
“Thank you,” said Limpy. “Thank you. Where can we find this wise ancient toad?”
Raoul looked at Limpy with a rather nervous expression.
“He's not a toad,” said Raoul. “He's a human.”
Limpy and Goliath crouched in the ditch at the edge of the human village.
“Let me get this straight,” said Goliath. “We're not attacking them.”
“No,” said Limpy.
“Not even a little bit.”
“No.”
Goliath frowned. “But if we're not attacking them,” he said, “how are we going to capture the wise bloke who can tell us the ancient secret?”
Limpy sighed.
Goliath's face lit up.
“I get it,” he said. “We're going in undercover to kidnap him, right? Good plan. What shall we disguise ourselves as? Giant snakes? Bulldozers? Sheep?”
“Goliath,” said Limpy. “We're not using violence and we're not using trickery. We're just going in there politely, and when we work out which is the wise old man, we'll ask him to tell us the secret.”
Goliath stared at Limpy.
“Are you mental?” he said. “Walking into a human village in broad daylight? What if they throw spears at us? Or fire poison darts at us? Or hollow us out and use us as drinking vessels?”
Part of Limpy felt the same as Goliath.
Compared to what they were about to do, hanging out in a pit full of snakes didn't seem that scary after all.
But another part of him was prepared to take the risk.
For Charm's sake.
“My poison sacs are empty,” wailed Goliath. “I used them up this morning in a military training exercise. I'm defenseless. What if the humans flatten us to make trays for their TV dinners?”
Limpy opened his pores and took a deep breath and tried to stop his mucus from trembling.
“We'll just have to trust they don't,” he said.
So far, thought Limpy, so good.
He and Goliath were in the village, and so far not a single spear or dart or scooping-out tool had been aimed at them.
Only looks.
Every eye in the village was watching them. Men humans, women humans, kid humans.
“Keep hopping,” said Limpy.
He was glad Goliath's poison sacs were empty. When Goliath got scared he tended to squirt first and ask questions later.
“You should have let me bring backup troops,” muttered Goliath. “Just the sight of a thousand highly trained troops would have had those humans running for their lives.”
“Goliath,” said Limpy.“Apart from the fact that we're trying to be friendly, I don't think anyone's going to be particularly scared by the sight of a thousand highly trained troops eating each other.”
Goliath sighed.
“You're right,” he said. “I'm a hopeless army general. If we get out of this alive, I'm going to give the army away. Try a completely different approach with humans.”
“That's good,” said Limpy. “I'm glad to hear it.”
“I'm gunna start a navy,” said Goliath. “Fire missiles at humans from the middle of the swamp.”
Limpy was about to sigh, but suddenly he needed his breath for something more urgent.
A gasp of alarm.
Two human women carrying large pots were coming over, blocking the way. Limpy stopped hopping. So did Goliath. The women bent over them and smiled.
Goliath hopped behind Limpy.
“Please,” Goliath whimpered. “Don't put us in those pots. We're mostly gristle and blubber. Let us live and I'll drop the idea of the navy, honest.”
“Hi there, fellas,” said a voice. “You lost?”
Limpy wasn't sure who was speaking at first. He knew it couldn't be the women, because he could understand the language. Then he saw a tiny monkey peeking out from the hair of one of the women.
“If I can help you with anything,” said the monkey, “ask away.”
“Doesn't that human mind you being in her hair?” said Limpy.
“I'd watch out if she sees you,” said Goliath to the monkey.“Hairy little tyke like you would make a great toilet brush.”
“She likes having me here,