Toad Rage - Morris Gleitzman [36]
Limpy smiled.
Then Charm came over and put her arms round him. “I've worked out why humans don't like us,” she said.
“Why?” said Limpy, gazing down at her dear warty face, and feeling his insides tingle with so much love he thought his eyes were going to do that wet thing humans' eyes did.
“Because,” she said, “they're jealous they haven't got a big brother like you.”
While Limpy handed sticks out to everyone who wanted to have a go for themselves, he heard Goliath talking to some little cane toads.
“Have I ever met a human?” he was saying. “Hey, I've had a bath with one.”
Limpy smiled as the little cane toads gasped.
Then he felt a tug at his leg.
A little cane toad was looking up at him.
“Uncle Limpy,” said the little cane toad. “Why do humans hate us?”
Limpy stared, taken aback. Then he took a deep breath and drew himself up to his full height, like an uncle should. He hoped it didn't matter that he was leaning slightly to one side.
“Well,” Limpy was about to say, “it's like this. Humans have hated cane toads since the dawn of time and they probably always will. We just have to accept it, like we have to accept that flying insects are attracted to highway lights and crawling insects are attracted to wombat poo. It's just the way things are. Don't worry your little head about it.”
But he didn't say that.
Instead he put his arm round the little cane toad's shoulders. “That's a good question,” he said. “Humans claim they hate us cause we're ugly, but I don't reckon that's the whole story. They're a pretty complicated species, humans, and a lot more research needs to be done on them.”
The little cane toad's eyes widened. “And you think I could be the one to do it? You think one day I could be a brave adventurer like you, risking my life to bring peace and whadyacallit to cane toads for countless thingummies to come and stuff?”
Limpy hopped back in alarm.
The little cane toad wasn't just little, it was very little.
“I wasn't necessarily saying that,” said Limpy anxiously.
But the little cane toad wasn't listening. It was frowning and looking doubtful. “Hot water makes my warts itch,” it said. “I could never have a bath with a human.”
Limpy wondered whether he should mention cold taps. Then the little cane toad's eyes widened again. “I know,” it shouted happily. “I'll do a wee in the water to cool it down.”
Limpy watched the little cane toad hop away, its face shining with excitement.
He realized he didn't feel anxious anymore.
Stack me, thought Limpy with a chuckle to himself. It's not just half-squashed cane toads that go round in circles.
Life does too.
BITUMEN: What roads in Australia are coated with (along with squashed cane toads).
BUNG: Broken, faulty, not doing what it's meant to. In Australia, sometimes used as a medical expression by doctors who played pool at university instead of studying Latin.
BUNG ON: To put something on, e.g., “I'll bung the kettle on the stove and lend you a sweater to bung on if you stop bunging on that posh accent and bung a CD on the stereo” (Australians repeat themselves a bit sometimes).
CARAVAN: A mobile home towed by a car. Can be unhitched and left at what Australians call a caravan park, thus allowing one member of the holiday group to drive back home more quickly to turn off the stove.
CHOOK: Chicken. Rhymes with “book” because it's the perfect food for eating one-handed while reading.
DUCO: The special high-gloss paintlike finish on a car. Unless the car belongs to a painter, in which case it's probably just paint.
ECHIDNA: A spiny anteater. A protected form of wildlife in Australia (unlike the ant).
GALAH: A gray-and-pink bird in the cockatoo family, very common in outback Australia. Some people think they're not very bright and so call foolish or ignorant people “galahs.” In fact, galahs are better at math than most authors.
GOANNA: An Aussie lizard. Can run very fast, unless trying to pull something heavy along the ground (see caravan).
KOOKABURRA: An Aussie kingfisher with a call that sounds like a maniacal human laugh, a unique characteristic