Toddler Cafe - Jennifer Carden [2]
At first, we just did what we knew—being silly and thinking of kid-friendly ways to get the food into the mouth. Making cute and complicated food wasn’t what worked here, though; it was the child-parent relationship that worked. It was picking up a piece of lettuce and pretending it was a bird that entertained our child and enticed her to eat! Soon our daughter was eating a wide range of foods, and we were no longer struggling with dinner table drama.
the power struggle: make fun, not war
One of the first places a child may test their control is with food. This is where the power struggle can start. Alice Sterling Honig, professor of child development at Syracuse University, says that parents usually direct and guide their toddlers in one of two ways: Power Control or Reasoning with Control.
Power Control includes physical and verbal force and withholding things such as toys and affection, while Reasoning with Control works by telling the child why he or she should act a certain way, using simple words they can understand. The studies Professor Honig reviewed showed that parents who used reasoning were better able to influence their children’s behavior and teach them to cooperate.
So, be ready to accept refusal of some foods, but don’t let it faze you, and don’t take it personally. Be patient and creative, and you will be able to keep the situation in check. This is where the Reasoning with Control can be handy: No matter how annoyed you are, the situation will only get worse if you elevate your voice. Give praise for small steps, but try not to dilute the effect of praise by dispensing it at every little action.
If you want your child to try a new food, be casual about it. Get some for yourself as a snack, not at mealtime. Ask them if they want a taste of “X” (think up a cute or magical name) and give them a tiny taste. If they reject it, just forget about it for that moment; don’t make faces or make a big deal out of it. Try serving it another time without saying, “This is that stuff you tasted and hated,” or, “You didn’t like that last time.” If you say “ick,” they‘ll say “ick.” So don’t say it! Your child will not eat if you won’t eat. Give positive responses to ANY food you try, even if you don’t love it. Just remember: You spend your days with a little sponge. They soak up everything you do. They want to be just like you, and if you won’t touch it, they won’t touch it.
Sometimes refusal can be turned around just by changing the temperature of the food. Some children prefer cold to warm or vice versa. Try both when introducing a new food—you may be surprised.
you are the boss
Don’t make a habit of asking your child what she wants for dinner; doing so is setting a trap for yourself. Remember, you’re the boss! Choices are helpful sometimes, but don’t allow too many, or the situation could spiral downward quickly. Two to three choices on the plate will help a child feel like he has some power, but will still give you the upper hand by allowing you to offer what you want. Giving choices works best when your child understands that she must eat what she chooses from the plate. When you serve your child, serve the portion you expect them to eat. If it is a new food, put a very small amount on the plate. For older kids, give them a goal amount to eat, such as half or five bites, so they understand exactly what you want them to do. For more picky eaters, feed your child in stages, serving one thing to get her interest piqued, and then bringing out the next item. Kids have little stomachs and don’t need as much food as we think they do. Serve small amounts, and don’t overwhelm them with large portions or a plate full of too many different items. It can take up to fifteen tries of serving a new food before a toddler becomes interested, so don’t be discouraged.