Tom Clancy's Op-center Balance of Power - Tom Clancy [50]
A part of Hood felt guilty. Sharon and also Madison Avenue were responsible for that. Family-first was the advertising mantra of the nineties. But Pennsylvania Avenue made him feel guilty too. He had a responsibility to the President and to the nation. He had a responsibility to the people whose lives and livelihoods depended upon his industry, his judgment. His focus.
He and Sharon both knew what the rules were when he took this job. Wasn't it she who had wanted him to get out of politics? Wasn't she the one who had hated the fact that being the family of the mayor of Los Angeles had entitled them to zero privacy even when they were together? But the truth was, whatever he did Hood wasn't a high school principal with summers off like her father. He wasn't a banker anymore, who worked from eight-thirty to five-thirty with the occasional client dinner. Or an independently wealthy yachtsman like that rugged, self-impressed Italian winemaker Stefano Renaldo with whom she'd sailed the world before marrying Hood.
Paul Hood was a man who enjoyed his work and the responsibility of it. And he enjoyed the rewards, too. Each morning he woke up in the quiet house and went downstairs to make his coffee and sat there drinking it in the den and looking around and thinking, I did this.
They all enjoyed the rewards. There wouldn't be a computer or violin lessons or a nice house for them to miss him at if he didn't work hard. Sharon would have to work full-time instead of being able to appear semiregularly on a cable TV cooking show. She didn't have to thank him but did she have to damn him? She didn't have to enjoy his absence-he didn't-but she could make it easier.
His hand was still on the phone. His eyes were on his hand. It had taken only a moment for the pros and cons to flash through his brain. He lifted his hand and sat back, a sour look on his face.
These weren't exactly new or deeply buried feelings. Neither was the bitterness, which set in next. If only Sharon supported him instead of condemning him. It wouldn't make him try any harder to be home earlier. He couldn't. His hours were what they were. But it would make him feel like he had a real home to go to instead of a seminar on What's Wrong with Paul Hood.
He thought of Nancy Bosworth again. Not long before, he'd bumped into his old flame in Germany. Never mind that she'd been the one who ran out on him years before. Never mind that she'd shattered his heart. When he saw her again he felt drawn to her because she was someone who wanted him, uncritically. She had only kind and flattering things to say.
Of course. Hood said, his conscience taking Sharon's side. Nancy can afford to be generous. She doesn't have to live with you and raise two kids and hurt for them when Dad's not there.
But that didn't change the fact that he'd wanted to hold Nancy Jo Bosworth tightly and he'd wanted to be held by her. That he'd yearned to crawl into her arms because she wanted him there, not as a reward for being good to his kids. That was passionless.
Then he thought about Ann Farris. The beautiful and sexy press liaison liked him. She cared about him. She made him feel good about himself. And he liked her. There were many times when he'd had to fight the urge to reach across the desk and touch her hair. But he knew that if he ever crossed that line, even a bit, there would be no going back. Everyone at Op-Center would know. Washington would know. Eventually Sharon would know.
So what? he asked