Too Good to Be True - Kristan Higgins [51]
Lou smiled at us with all the sunny optimism of a Mormon preacher. “You’re all here for a reason, and there’s no shame in admitting it. You want a man… um, I am correct in assuming you also want a man, sir?” he asked, breaking off from his little song to look at Julian.
Julian, clad in a frilly pink shirt, shiny black pants and eyeliner, glanced at me. “Correct,” he mumbled.
“That’s fine! There’s nothing wrong with that! These methods work for, er… anyway. So let’s go around and just introduce ourselves, shall we? We’re going to get pretty intimate here, so we might as well be friends,” Lou instructed merrily. “Who’d like to go first?”
“Hi, I’m Karen,” said a woman. She was tall and attractive enough, dark hair, dressed in sweats, maybe around forty, forty-five. “I’m divorced, and you wouldn’t believe the freaks I meet. The last guy I went out with asked if he could suck my toes. In the restaurant, okay? When I said no, he called me a frigid bitch and left. And I had to pay the bill.”
“Wow,” I murmured.
“And this was the best date I’ve had in a year, okay?”
“Not for long, Karen, not for long,” Lou announced with great confidence.
“I’m Michelle,” said the next woman. “I’m forty-two and I’ve been on sixty-seven dates in the past four months. Sixty-seven first dates, that is. Want to know how many second dates I’ve been on? None. Because all those first dates were with idiots. My ex, now, he’s already married again. To Bambi, a waitress from Hooters. She’s twenty-three, okay? But I haven’t met one decent guy, so I hear you, Karen.”
Karen nodded in grim sympathy.
“Hi, I’m Kiki,” said my friend. “And I’m a teacher in a local school, so is there a vow of confidentiality in this class? Like, no one’s going to out me on the street, right?”
Lou laughed merrily. “There’s no shame in taking this class, Kiki, but if you’re more comfortable, I think we can all agree to keep our enrollment to ourselves! Please continue. What drove you to this class? Are you past thirty? Afraid you’ll never meet Mr. Right?”
“No, I meet him all the time. It’s just that I tend to… maybe…rush things a little?” She glanced at me, and I nodded in support. “I scare them away,” she admitted.
Julian was next. “I’m Julian. Um…I’m…I’ve only had one boyfriend, about eight years ago. I’m just kind of… scared. It’s not that I can’t meet a man… I get asked out all the time.” Of course he did, he looked like Johnny Depp, and already I could see the speculation in Karen’s eyes… Hmm, wonder if I could get this one to jump the fence…
“So you’re afraid to commit, afraid things won’t work out, so you can’t fail if you don’t try, correct? All right!” Lou said, not waiting for an answer. “And you, miss? What’s your name?”
I took a deep breath. “Hi. I’m Grace.” I paused. “I’m currently pretending to have a boyfriend. My sister’s dating my ex-fiancé, and to make everyone think I was fine with that, I told my family I’ve been seeing this fabulous guy. How’s that for pathetic? And like you, Karen, I’ve been on some astonishingly bad dates, and I’m getting a little nervous, because my sister and Andrew are getting serious, and I’d really like to find someone. Soon. Very soon.”
There was a moment’s silence.
“I’ve made up boyfriends, too,” Karen said, nodding her head slowly. “The best man I ever dated was all in my head.”
“Thank you!” I exclaimed.
“I did it, too,” Michelle said. “I even bought myself an engagement ring. It was beautiful. Exactly what I wanted. For three months, I wore that thing. Told everyone I knew I was getting married. It got so I was trying on dresses on the weekends. Sick, really. Looking back, though, it was one of my happier times.”
“This brings up one of my strategies,” Lou announced. “Men love women who are taken, so