Townie_ A Memoir - Andre Dubus [43]
It seemed no punishment was enough. In every exercise, if my muscles began to ache and burn on the seventh or eighth rep, then I’d do ten, twelve, fifteen, twenty. More than once my vision would narrow and get black at the edges, and I’d stop and breathe deeply till it passed, then I’d go right back to the barbell or dumbbells or chinning bar.
By that fall, any fat I’d had was gone. For the first time there were blue veins in my forearms and one running up my biceps. My shoulders were broader and my waist was smaller. I was getting what magazines called a V-shape, and I tried to accentuate it by always keeping my hair tied back in a tight ponytail. One afternoon, Suzanne said to me, “Girls are starting to notice you, you know.”
It was an encouraging and flattering thought but oddly beside the point.
That August I ran those accidental eleven miles at Kenoza Lake with my father, and in September I went out for the high school’s cross-country track team. After the last bell every day, instead of getting on the bus with Suzanne and the others from the avenues, I went to the gym and locker room with jocks, guys from Bradford who wore sweaters and boat shoes, guys who had short hair and braces on their teeth, guys who didn’t swear or smoke dope or walk around the school stoned or tripping or half drunk. We changed into T-shirts and shorts and sneakers and went running.
The coach was over six feet and heavy, his mustache as blond as his hair. He had a bad limp I figured was from a motorcycle accident or maybe he was a vet, but one afternoon in the locker room as we were all changing, he changed with us, his right leg only ten or twelve inches in diameter from his groin to his ankle.
“Polio,” one of the other junior varsity kids whispered to me. Coach T. could barely walk, never mind run, but still, five days a week he pulled on a jock strap and a blue nylon sweatsuit, a red stripe running down his good and bad legs, and he’d take his whistle and clipboard and we’d follow him outside to where he’d make us hurt.
Easy days would be 6-to-12-mile runs all over town. Hard days were sprints on the track, half laps, full laps, then double laps. Over and over again. On Saturday mornings I’d dress in my track uniform and walk to the high school or get a ride from my mother. I’d tie my ponytail back as tightly as I could, then run a 3.2-mile race with my team, my time mediocre, though I thought I was running hard. Once, as I ran across the finish line behind a dark-haired kid from Revere, Coach T. shouted, “Too much left at the end, Dubus!”
He was right, and I knew it, but part of me was so surprised I was actually on a sports team of some kind, wearing a uniform like everyone else, sweating toward a common goal, that I began to watch myself run, happy just being there. Meanwhile, the varsity runners sprinted the entire course, coming in three to four minutes ahead of us, many of them dropping to their knees at the Finish Line and throwing up.
Most had cars, and I usually got a ride home with one of them. There weren’t as many day parties at our house now. But once or twice a week, there’d still be five or six heads from the avenues sitting around in their leather jackets, smoking cigarettes and dope, our stereo cranked too loud, and I’d go straight upstairs and change, then take the back stairwell down through the kitchen to the basement where I’d lift weights for one to two hours. It was harder to build muscle running as much as I was, but I liked the nonstop pain of running; I