Tracks of a Rolling Stone [22]
of returning for another three years to China, where all was now peaceful and stale to me, the excitement of the war at an end, every port reminding me of my old comrades, visions of renewed fevers and horrible food, - were more than I could stand.
I instantly made up my mind to leave the Navy. It was a wilful, and perhaps a too hasty, impulse. But I am impulsive by nature; and now that my father was dead, I fancied myself to a certain extent my own master. I knew moreover, by my father's will, that I should not be dependent upon a profession. Knowledge of such a fact has been the ruin of many a better man than I. I have no virtuous superstitions in favour of poverty - quite the reverse - but I am convinced that the rich man, who has never had to earn his position or his living, is more to be pitied and less respected than the poor man whose comforts certainly, if not his bread, have depended on his own exertions.
My mother had a strong will of her own, and I could not guess what line she might take. I also apprehended the opposition of my guardians. On the whole, I opined a woman's heart would be the most suitable for an appeal AD MISERICORDIAM. So I pulled out the agony stop, and worked the pedals of despair with all the anguish at my command.
'It was easy enough for her to REVEL IN LUXURY and consign me to a life worse than a CONVICT'S. But how would SHE like to live on SALT JUNK, to keep NIGHT WATCHES, to have to cut up her blankets for PONCHOS (I knew she had never heard the word, and that it would tell accordingly), to save her from being FROZEN TO DEATH? How would SHE like to be mast-headed when a ship was rolling gunwale under? As to the wishes of my guardians, were THEIR FEELINGS to be considered before mine? I should like to see Lord Rosebery or Lord Spencer in my place! They'd very soon wish they had a mother who &c. &c.'
When my letter was finished I got leave to go ashore to post it. Feeling utterly miserable, I had my hair cut; and, rendered perfectly reckless by my appearance, I consented to have what was left of it tightly curled with a pair of tongs. I cannot say that I shared in any sensible degree the pleasure which this operation seemed to give to the artist. But when I got back to the ship the sight of my adornment kept my messmates in an uproar for the rest of the afternoon.
Whether the touching appeal to my mother produced tears, or of what kind, matters little; it effectually determined my career. Before my new ship sailed for China, I was home again, and in full possession of my coveted freedom as a civilian.
CHAPTER VIII
IT was settled that after a course of three years at a private tutor's I was to go to Cambridge. The life I had led for the past three years was not the best training for the fellow-pupil of lads of fifteen or sixteen who had just left school. They were much more ready to follow my lead than I theirs, especially as mine was always in the pursuit of pleasure.
I was first sent to Mr. B.'s, about a couple of miles from Alnwick. Before my time, Alnwick itself was considered out of bounds. But as nearly half the sin in this world consists in being found out, my companions and I managed never to commit any in this direction.
We generally returned from the town with a bottle of some noxious compound called 'port' in our pockets, which was served out in our 'study' at night, while I read aloud the instructive adventures of Mr. Thomas Jones. We were, of course, supposed to employ these late hours in preparing our work for the morrow. One boy only protested that, under the combined seductions of the port and Miss Molly Seagrim, he could never make his verses scan.
Another of our recreations was poaching. From my earliest days I was taught to shoot, myself and my brothers being each provided with his little single-barrelled flint and steel 'Joe Manton.' At - we were surrounded by grouse moors on one side, and by well-preserved coverts on the other. The grouse I used
I instantly made up my mind to leave the Navy. It was a wilful, and perhaps a too hasty, impulse. But I am impulsive by nature; and now that my father was dead, I fancied myself to a certain extent my own master. I knew moreover, by my father's will, that I should not be dependent upon a profession. Knowledge of such a fact has been the ruin of many a better man than I. I have no virtuous superstitions in favour of poverty - quite the reverse - but I am convinced that the rich man, who has never had to earn his position or his living, is more to be pitied and less respected than the poor man whose comforts certainly, if not his bread, have depended on his own exertions.
My mother had a strong will of her own, and I could not guess what line she might take. I also apprehended the opposition of my guardians. On the whole, I opined a woman's heart would be the most suitable for an appeal AD MISERICORDIAM. So I pulled out the agony stop, and worked the pedals of despair with all the anguish at my command.
'It was easy enough for her to REVEL IN LUXURY and consign me to a life worse than a CONVICT'S. But how would SHE like to live on SALT JUNK, to keep NIGHT WATCHES, to have to cut up her blankets for PONCHOS (I knew she had never heard the word, and that it would tell accordingly), to save her from being FROZEN TO DEATH? How would SHE like to be mast-headed when a ship was rolling gunwale under? As to the wishes of my guardians, were THEIR FEELINGS to be considered before mine? I should like to see Lord Rosebery or Lord Spencer in my place! They'd very soon wish they had a mother who &c. &c.'
When my letter was finished I got leave to go ashore to post it. Feeling utterly miserable, I had my hair cut; and, rendered perfectly reckless by my appearance, I consented to have what was left of it tightly curled with a pair of tongs. I cannot say that I shared in any sensible degree the pleasure which this operation seemed to give to the artist. But when I got back to the ship the sight of my adornment kept my messmates in an uproar for the rest of the afternoon.
Whether the touching appeal to my mother produced tears, or of what kind, matters little; it effectually determined my career. Before my new ship sailed for China, I was home again, and in full possession of my coveted freedom as a civilian.
CHAPTER VIII
IT was settled that after a course of three years at a private tutor's I was to go to Cambridge. The life I had led for the past three years was not the best training for the fellow-pupil of lads of fifteen or sixteen who had just left school. They were much more ready to follow my lead than I theirs, especially as mine was always in the pursuit of pleasure.
I was first sent to Mr. B.'s, about a couple of miles from Alnwick. Before my time, Alnwick itself was considered out of bounds. But as nearly half the sin in this world consists in being found out, my companions and I managed never to commit any in this direction.
We generally returned from the town with a bottle of some noxious compound called 'port' in our pockets, which was served out in our 'study' at night, while I read aloud the instructive adventures of Mr. Thomas Jones. We were, of course, supposed to employ these late hours in preparing our work for the morrow. One boy only protested that, under the combined seductions of the port and Miss Molly Seagrim, he could never make his verses scan.
Another of our recreations was poaching. From my earliest days I was taught to shoot, myself and my brothers being each provided with his little single-barrelled flint and steel 'Joe Manton.' At - we were surrounded by grouse moors on one side, and by well-preserved coverts on the other. The grouse I used