Tracks of a Rolling Stone [99]
Cromwell at the battle of Hastings, his descendants, foiled in their attempt to capture England with the Spanish Armada, settled in the principality of Yorkshire, adopted the noble name of Cayley, and still governed that province as members of the British Parliament.
From that day we were treated with every mark of distinction.
Here is another of my friend's pranks. I will let Cayley speak; for though I kept no journal, we had agreed to write a joint account of our trip, and our notebooks were common property.
After leaving Malaga we met some beggars on the road, to one of whom, 'an old hag with one eye and a grizzly beard,' I threw the immense sum of a couple of 2-cuarto pieces. An old man riding behind us on an ass with empty panniers, seeing fortunes being scattered about the road with such reckless and unbounded profusion, came up alongside, and entered into a piteous detail of his poverty. When he wound up with plain begging, the originality and boldness of the idea of a mounted beggar struck us in so humorous a light that we could not help laughing. As we rode along talking his case over, Cayley said, 'Suppose we rob him. He has sold his market produce in Malaga, and depend upon it, has a pocketful of money.' We waited for him to come up. When he got fairly between us, Cayley pulled out his revolver (we both carried pistols) and thus addressed him:
'Impudent old scoundrel! stand still. If thou stirr'st hand or foot, or openest thy mouth, I will slay thee like a dog. Thou greedy miscreant, who art evidently a man of property and hast an ass to ride upon, art not satisfied without trying to rob the truly poor of the alms we give them. Therefore hand over at once the two dollars for which thou hast sold thy cabbages for double what they were worth.'
The old culprit fell on his knees, and trembling violently, prayed Cayley for the love of the Virgin to spare him.
'One moment, CABALLEROS,' he cried, 'I will give you all I possess. But I am poor, very poor, and I have a sick wife at the disposition of your worships.'
'Wherefore art thou fumbling at thy foot? Thou carriest not thy wife in thy shoe?'
'I cannot untie the string - my hand trembles; will your worships permit me to take out my knife?'
He did so, and cutting the carefully knotted thong of a leather bag which had been concealed in the leg of his stocking, poured out a handful of small coin and began to weep piteously.
Said Cayley, 'Come, come, none of that, or we shall feel it our duty to shoot thy donkey that thou may'st have something to whimper for.'
The genuine tears of the poor old fellow at last touched the heart of the jester.
'We know now that thou art poor,' said he, 'for we have taken
all thou hadst. And as it is the religion of the Ingleses, founded on the practice of their celebrated saint, Robino Hoodo, to levy funds from the rich for the benefit of the needy, hold out thy sombero, and we will bestow a trifle upon thee.'
So saying he poured back the plunder; to which was added, to the astonishment of the receiver, some supplementary pieces that nearly equalled the original sum.
CHAPTER XXXIV
BEFORE setting out from Seville we had had our Foreign Office passports duly VISED. Our profession was given as that of travelling artists, and the VISE included the permission to carry arms. More than once the sight of our pistols caused us to be stopped by the CARABINEROS. On one occasion these road-guards disputed the wording of the VISE. They protested that 'armas' meant 'escopetas,' not pistols, which were forbidden. Cayley indignantly retorted, 'Nothing is forbidden to Englishmen. Besides, it is specified in our passports that we are 'personas de toda confianza,' which checkmated them.
We both sketched, and passed ourselves off as 'retratistas' (portrait painters), and did a small business in this way - rather in the shape of caricatures, I fear, but which gave much satisfaction. We charged one peseta (seven-pence), or two,
From that day we were treated with every mark of distinction.
Here is another of my friend's pranks. I will let Cayley speak; for though I kept no journal, we had agreed to write a joint account of our trip, and our notebooks were common property.
After leaving Malaga we met some beggars on the road, to one of whom, 'an old hag with one eye and a grizzly beard,' I threw the immense sum of a couple of 2-cuarto pieces. An old man riding behind us on an ass with empty panniers, seeing fortunes being scattered about the road with such reckless and unbounded profusion, came up alongside, and entered into a piteous detail of his poverty. When he wound up with plain begging, the originality and boldness of the idea of a mounted beggar struck us in so humorous a light that we could not help laughing. As we rode along talking his case over, Cayley said, 'Suppose we rob him. He has sold his market produce in Malaga, and depend upon it, has a pocketful of money.' We waited for him to come up. When he got fairly between us, Cayley pulled out his revolver (we both carried pistols) and thus addressed him:
'Impudent old scoundrel! stand still. If thou stirr'st hand or foot, or openest thy mouth, I will slay thee like a dog. Thou greedy miscreant, who art evidently a man of property and hast an ass to ride upon, art not satisfied without trying to rob the truly poor of the alms we give them. Therefore hand over at once the two dollars for which thou hast sold thy cabbages for double what they were worth.'
The old culprit fell on his knees, and trembling violently, prayed Cayley for the love of the Virgin to spare him.
'One moment, CABALLEROS,' he cried, 'I will give you all I possess. But I am poor, very poor, and I have a sick wife at the disposition of your worships.'
'Wherefore art thou fumbling at thy foot? Thou carriest not thy wife in thy shoe?'
'I cannot untie the string - my hand trembles; will your worships permit me to take out my knife?'
He did so, and cutting the carefully knotted thong of a leather bag which had been concealed in the leg of his stocking, poured out a handful of small coin and began to weep piteously.
Said Cayley, 'Come, come, none of that, or we shall feel it our duty to shoot thy donkey that thou may'st have something to whimper for.'
The genuine tears of the poor old fellow at last touched the heart of the jester.
'We know now that thou art poor,' said he, 'for we have taken
all thou hadst. And as it is the religion of the Ingleses, founded on the practice of their celebrated saint, Robino Hoodo, to levy funds from the rich for the benefit of the needy, hold out thy sombero, and we will bestow a trifle upon thee.'
So saying he poured back the plunder; to which was added, to the astonishment of the receiver, some supplementary pieces that nearly equalled the original sum.
CHAPTER XXXIV
BEFORE setting out from Seville we had had our Foreign Office passports duly VISED. Our profession was given as that of travelling artists, and the VISE included the permission to carry arms. More than once the sight of our pistols caused us to be stopped by the CARABINEROS. On one occasion these road-guards disputed the wording of the VISE. They protested that 'armas' meant 'escopetas,' not pistols, which were forbidden. Cayley indignantly retorted, 'Nothing is forbidden to Englishmen. Besides, it is specified in our passports that we are 'personas de toda confianza,' which checkmated them.
We both sketched, and passed ourselves off as 'retratistas' (portrait painters), and did a small business in this way - rather in the shape of caricatures, I fear, but which gave much satisfaction. We charged one peseta (seven-pence), or two,