Trainspotting - Irvine Welsh [89]
— Indeed I was, as you say, his brother, ah jocularly agree. Ah can feel the resentment mounting up against us. Ah huv tae play tae the crowd.
The best way ah knew tae strike a chord without compromising too much tae the sickening hypocrisy, perversely peddled as decency, which fills the room, is tae stick tae the clichés. People love them at this time, because they become real, and actually mean something.
— Billy n me nivir agreed oan that much . . .
— Ah well, vive le difference . . . said Kenny, an uncle oan ma Ma’s side, tryin tae be helpful.
— . . . but one thing we hud in common wis thit we both liked a good bevvy and a good crack. If he can see us now, he’ll be laughin his heid oaf at us sittin here aw moosey faced. He’d be sayin, enjoy yirsels, fir god sake! Ah’ve goat friends n family here. We’ve no seen each other fir ages.
An exchange of cards:
To Billy
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
(except between 3.00 and 4.40 on New Year’s Day)
From Mark.
Mark
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Billy
HMFC OK
To Billy,
Happy Birthday
From Mark
Then Billy and Sharon are
Mark
Happy Birthday
From Billy and Sharon
In Sharon’s handwriting, which is like
The Weedjie white trash that were ma faither’s family, came through for the Orange walk every July, and occasionally when Rangers were at Easter Road or Tynecastle. Ah wished the cunts would stay in Drumchapel. They receive my touching little tribute tae Billy well enough though, and all nod solemnly. All except Charlie, whae saw through ma mood.
— It’s all a fuckin gemme tae you, int it son?
— If you must know, yes.
— Ah feel sorry for you. He shook his heid.
— Naw ye dinnae, ah tell him. He walks away, still shakin his heid.
More McEwan’s Export and whisky follows. Auntie Effie starts tae sing, a nasal, country-style whine. Ah move ower tae Nina.
— You’ve really blossomed intae a wee honey, ken that? ah drunkenly slaver. She looks at me as if she’s heard it aw before. Ah wis gaunnae suggest that we sneak away ower tae Fox’s, or back tae ma flat at Montgomery Street. Is it against the law tae shag yir cousin? Probably. Thuv goat laws for stoapin ye daein everything else.
— Shame aboot Billy, she sais. Ah kin tell she thinks ah’m a total wanker. Of course, she’s completely right. Ah thought that every cunt over twenty was a toss an no worth speakin tae, until ah hit twenty. The mair ah see, the mair ah think ah wis right. After that it’s aw ugly compromise, aw timid surrender, progressively until death.
Unfortunately, Charlie, or Chick-chicy-chic-chicky-chicky, has clocked the solicitous nature ay my conversation, and moves in to protect Nina’s virtue. No that she needs the assistance ay a fat soapdodger.
The bastard gestures me aside. When ah ignore him, he takes ma airm. He’s pretty bevvied. His whisper is hard, an ah can smell the whisky oan his breath.
— Listen son, if you don’t get oan yir fuckin bike, ah’m gaunnae tan your jaw. If it wisnae fir yir faither thair, ah’ve done it a long time ago. Ah don’t like you son. Ah never huv. Yir brother wis ten times the man you’ll ever be, ya fuckin junky. If you knew the misery yuv caused yir Ma n Da . . .
— You can speak frankly, ah cut in, anger throbbing in my chest but nonetheless contained by a delicious glee that comes fae knowing that ah’ve upset the cunt. Stay cool. It’s the only way tae fuck a self-righteous bastard over.
— Oh ah’ll speak frankly aw right, Mr University smart cunt. Ah’ll knock ye through that fuckin waw. His chunky, indianinked fist was just a few inches fae ma face. Ma grip tensed oan the whisky gless ah wis haudin. Ah wisnae gaunnae let the cunt touch us wi they fuckin hands. If he moved he wis gittin this gless.
Ah pushed his raised hand aside.
— If ye did gie us a kickin, ye’d be daein me a favour. Ah’d jist huv a wank aboot it later on. We University drop-oot smart cunt junkies are kinky that wey. Cause that’s aw you’re worth, ya fuckin