Trash - Andy Mulligan [52]
STAR EXTRA:
Police Closing in
A spokesman for the city police said last night that important leads are being followed up ‘professionally, vigorously and relentlessly’, and that the undisclosed sum stolen from the vice-president’s house would undoubtedly be recovered. ‘You cannot keep this kind of money hidden. Experience tells us that somebody, somewhere, will blow the whistle soon. That is when we swoop.’
Requests for further details were firmly declined. ‘We are at a sensitive stage. We are talking to people who have to stay anonymous. All we can say is that we are confident that a breakthrough is imminent.’
Vice-President Zapanta is no stranger to controversy and has been constantly dogged by accusations and scandal. Trained as a lawyer, he has been notoriously quick to challenge and in many cases prosecute critics of his policies and personal conduct – to date, successfully. A spokesman for the senator reported that he was in ‘considerable distress but remains hopeful’.
Sources suggest the criminal was a member of the senator’s domestic staff. The president herself, who visited Zapanta last Thursday, said, ‘Our thoughts are with any colleague who experiences loss. Theft is theft: one feels violated, always.’
Vice-President Zapanta remains a key witness in the ongoing prosecution of his subsidiary company, Feed Us!, which collapsed with debts of two million dollars and was subsequently implicated in the hiking of rice import duties during the economic downturn last year.
The trial is now in its fourth year and the Star wishes to reaffirm that the vice-president denies all charges.
INQUIRER:
ZAPANTA MOURNS HIS LOSS!
Vice-President Senator ‘We are the people’ Regis Zapanta is said to be ‘extremely concerned’ at the loss – that is, the theft – of an undisclosed sum of money from his property last week. Sources close to the great man say that you can hear a pin drop – a banknote fall – and even the occasional groan of despair. Sources even closer say our much-loved vice-president is ‘enraged’ – and we all know what the senator’s rage has accomplished in the past.
Senator Zapanta achieved notoriety just three years ago when he ordered police to clear squatter camps to make way for his ground-breaking cinema/shopping complex. He was also made famous by a dramatic poster campaign aimed at the illiterate, featuring laughing orphans holding placards that spelled out his name – the children received no fee for their services.
The vice-president has always campaigned for wider education, whilst presiding over an education budget that has dwindled by 18% over two years.
He was not available for comment.
“WHAT THE HELL……?”
DAILY STAR:
Mohun’s diary
Check out the face of super-smiling Regis Zapanta, who’s now wearing a frown – just as the wind appears to be changing! Could the rumours be true? Is our man, who’s spent a lifetime swearing he’s clean, as oily as a back-axle?
If he really has lost ten million dollars, someone’s going to ask the question: ‘What was ten million dollars doing in your house, sir?’ We all need ready cash. We all keep a stash of change … But ten mill in dollars, just in case the ATMs are down?
Ten mill under the bed suggests someone’s either not paying their taxes, or stealing other people’s.
I didn’t say that, sir – don’t close my paper, don’t shoot my family!
UNIVERSITY VOICE:
ENOUGH
is enough, say students
The very fact that Vice-President Senator Regis Zapanta keeps millions of dollars of cash in his home suggests that he is part of a corrupt other world – and should not be re-elected. This country could still move forward, but it won’t until we’ve said goodbye to bad, greedy old men.
It’s time for someone young and new!
Charuvi Adarme, president of the students’ union, made her feelings plain in an impassioned address yesterday to those on the diploma programme.
‘Five years ago,’ she said, ‘Zapanta campaigned on the slogan, The brightest smile, the sharpest mind. I’d add to that, The most