True Porn Clerk Stories - Ali Davis [19]
S. is truly amazing. He managed to be a pain in the ass one last time.
I Hope This Isn't a Trend
I caught another jerker in the porn section today. It's amazing -- I'm already jaded about it. Part of it was that I just caught him on the security camera, so I had that distance, and he was really more of a stroker than a jerker. I don't think he had come in intending to masturbate. I think he just got aroused by some of the boxes. He had one hand in his sweatpants and was just sort of giving himself the occasional stroke or two as he went along.
Still, discretion doesn't make it OK to whack off in my store. I popped him up for a close-up on the monitor and, yup, that's what he was doing.
I thought about calling the police, then figured screw it. I got on the Voice of God mic and said "Sir, you need to keep both hands where I can see them."
He looked up at the camera, pulled his hand out of his pants, and continued the rest of his porn box perusal whack-free.
As he was leaving the store, I went up to him and said, "Next time you don't get a warning -- I'm just calling the police." He looked at me and nodded OK. There wasn't any guilt, but there was no defiance either -- he'd tried it, I'd caught him fair and square, and we both knew I'd been way nicer about it than I had to be.
To be honest, it made me feel sort of bad-ass to be so calmly and firmly in control of the store. Once I thought about it, I realized that I felt like a jolly, middle-aged madam in the Old West -- ready to take care of my customers' needs in a friendly and straightforward manner, but with a strict policy against taking any guff. Shoot, they're just men. I can handle those whippersnappers.
The store is definitely changing me. I can't tell if that's a good thing or not.
Gaping Asshole Inside
Several of our straight porn boxes have a cheerful little blue circle on the front. It's designed to look like a sticker and it says "Gaping Asshole Inside!" in the same sort of cheerful font one might use for "Now with more fiber!" or "New fresh scent!"
It is clearly meant to be a feature, a sort of guarantee of quality: whatever else may or may not happen in this film, you are guaranteed at least one gaping asshole. Frequently there is also a gaping asshole holding the box, but that issue is not addressed.
It baffles me.
I understand, on an intellectual level, why porn is so focused on anal sex. It's taboo and a large segment of the female population will have no truck with it. Of course that's what guys, or at least a lot of them, fantasize about. But why even the biggest butt freak in the world would want to hunker down and take a look inside is beyond me.
But porn, or at least the porn we're carrying, is very big on taking cameras up and in and through anywhere they can go.
Part of it is a general gross-out, can-you-top-this thing that seems to be part and parcel of the adult industry -- world's biggest cocks, the century's most extreme penetrations. I think porn, which doesn't have much in the way of scripting or acting chops to move it along, has to rely on other ways to convey intensity: bigger, harder, faster, freakier.
There is a new title in the straight section: V8. The caption says, "Four in the ass and four in the pussy!" It was the first box that has given me pause in a while.
"Sweet Jesus," I thought, "Where would everyone stand?"
Calmer reflection and the laws of physics have convinced me that they can't possibly mean penises, or at least not all at once, but I'm afraid to turn the box over and find out for sure.
I think heavy porn renters must get jaded to watching plain old sex -- How could they not? -- and that's what leads to the bizarre for its own sake: obesity porn, little person porn, old person porn, bondage porn, foot porn. Double penetration. Cartoonishly huge sex toys. Sticking a camera up someone's urethra. Can it possibly be sexy?
It's easy to dismiss "Gaping Asshole Inside!" as just another instance of breaking a woman down into her component parts instead of dealing