True Porn Clerk Stories - Ali Davis [27]
In the interest of good clerking, I did finally ask my manager and learned to steer my straight female customers towards Wicked Video stuff, which have budgets and stories and nobody gets called a dumb cunt on the box copy.
I think I'm a pretty good guide. The women who do come in solo -- and they are very, very rare -- are usually pretty uncomfortable about it.
It doesn't help that our porn section is a completely white room with a white linoleum floor lit by bright white fluorescent lights broken up by security cameras and wall-to-wall orifices. It hits somewhere between futuristic alien clinic and porn carnival.
If our decor makes a statement, it's "Hey, fucko! Don't masturbate!" It's just not a cozy or welcoming place. So I try to be both as businesslike and as gentle as possible. I want them to know that it's fine and normal to rent porn, and that they're safe. Sometimes I'll ask another clerk or a manager to cover my register and go down with them. It seems to help get them acclimated.
Usually the women who come in are half of a straight couple. They cover the full range of comfort and discomfort. My favorite was a pretty girl with a peaches-and-cream complexion and a Laura Ashley flowered dress. When I went down to ask if she and her boyfriend needed help, she belted out "Yes! We want to BUY!" while he stood blushing in the corner.
Most are pretty quiet, though, and usually let the guy take the lead.
I don't think it's that women are less sexual than men. I think they could or would like porn if the situation were different. There are still fairly big taboos about women admitting to being interested in porn -- even for the ones who rent pretty racy stuff from upstairs. And the movies would have to be different, I think. There'd have to be more about why these people are having sex. A better reason than Tab A fitting into Slot B, at least.
And, from what I do know about porn, the sex would have to be different. It doesn't look like the women on porn boxes are having that much fun. They're always being bent or twisted into uncomfortable positions, or trying to avoid sperm being shot directly into their eyes. The fact that the men watching want to see as much as possible means that the women don't seem to be getting touched much. They're just getting poled by some guy who's apparently deliberately avoiding their erogenous zones. Whee.
So we don't get many women downstairs.
I hope the few brave feminine souls who do go down there find what they're looking for.
Oh, by the way...
Management found out about this journal and the NPR piece over the weekend.
I am not fired.
Men and Women and Porn
Here's what I've learned in my year-and-change as a porn clerk: men like porn.
Admittedly, my sample is skewed because many men come to our store just for the porn and have other accounts elsewhere, but almost all of the men who come in do eventually go down to the porn section. And I don't mean "almost all" in the 90% sense, I mean all but maybe two since I've started working there.
This is a lesson because I now understand that pretty much any man I date is going to at least occasionally enjoy pornography. I don't think a lot of women have fully dealt with that. If one reads the advice columns, a lot of women can't even deal with the idea that their mate masturbates at all. Ladies, please. Chill out.
What the porn section has taught me that I think many women don't understand is that porn is a physical thing for guys, not an emotional one. It seems to be a quick, physical release. It's a way of feeling good and making sure the plumbing is still in working order and that's about it. With the exception of the addicts, I don't think it has any more significance than grabbing a burger when you're hungry or standing up and stretching when you've been trapped in a car all day.
Many women are jealous of or threatened by porn, and we shouldn't be. The key is the difference between your dog, which is a Sheltie-terrier mix that hides under the bed during thunderstorms,