Uncles Josh's Punkin Centre Stories [28]
relay.
All at once a figure on hossback Cum a-whoopin' it down the trail, And bullets from out of a Winchester Commenced to fly like hail. The greaser and them two passengers Cashed in their chips to him, Fer the feller what wuz doin' the shootin' Wuz my friend, Yosemite Jim.
Wall, we planted them thar together, When the cloud had passed away; And all they've got fer a tombstone Is the mountains, dull and gray. So, pard, let's take one together, And I'll drink a toast to him, Fer though he wuz rough and ready, He'd a heart, YOSEMITE JIM.
The Great White Death, so named by the Indians, occurs in the higher altitudes of the Rocky and Sierra Nevada Mountains. It is almost indescribable. It might properly be termed a frozen fog. It has the effect of bringing on acute congestion of the lungs, from which few rarely recover. Viewed at a distance it is a magnificent sight, each and every particle of the frozen moisture being a miniature prism, which reflects the sun's rays in a manner once seen never to be forgotten.--By CAL. STEWART, formerly Overland Messenger for the Wells- Fargo Express Company.
Uncle Josh Weathersby's Trip to Boston
FER a long time I had my mind made up to go down to Boston, so a short time ago, as I had all my crops and produce mostly sold, I alowed it would be a good time to go down thar, and I sed to mother, "I'll start early in the mornin' and take a load of produce with me, and that will sort of pay expenses of the trip."
Wall, I got into Boston next mornin' bright and early, 'bout time they had their breakfast, and I looked 'round fer a spell; then finally I picked out a right likely lookin' store, and jist conclooded I'd sell my load of produce thar. Wall, I went in and I met a feller 'nd I sed, "Good mornin', be you the storekeeper?" And he sed, "No, sir, I'm only one of the clerks." So I sed, "Wall, be the storekeeper to hum?" And he sed, "Yes, sir, would you like to see him?" And I told him as how I would, and he turned 'round and commenced to hollerin' "FRONT," and a boy cum up what had more brass buttins on him than a whole regiment of soljers. I thought that wuz a durned funny name fer a boy--front--and that clerk feller he wuz about the most importent thing I'd seen in Boston so far, less maybe it wuz the Bunker Hill monument that I druv past cummin' to town. He had on a biled collar that sort of put me in mind of the whitewashed fence 'round the fair grounds down hum. I'll bet if he'd ever sneeze it would cut his ears off.
Wall, anyhow, he sed to that front boy, "Show the gentleman to the proprietor's offis." Wall, I went along with that boy, and presently we cum to a place in one corner of that store; it wuz made out of iron and had bars in front of the winders, and looked like the county jale. The front boy p'inted to a man and sed, "Go in," and I sed, "I gessed I wouldn't go in thar, cos I hadn't done anything to be locked up fer." And that front boy commenced to laffin' tho' durned if I could see what he wuz a-laffin' about, and the storekeeper he opened the door and cum out, and he sed, "Good mornin', what can I do fer you?" I sed, "Be you the storekeeper?" and he sed he wuz. So I sed, "Do you want to buy any pertaters?" And he sed, "No, sir, we don't buy pertaters here; this a dry goods store." So I sed, "Wall, don't want any cabbage, do ye?" And he sed, "No, sir, this is a dry goods store." So I sed, "Wall, now, I want to know; do you need any onions?" And by chowder, he got madder 'n a wet hen. He sed, "Now look a-heer, I want you to understand onct fer all, this is a dry goods store, and we don't buy anything but dry goods and don't sell anything but dry goods; do you understand me now? DRY GOODS." And I sed, "Yes, gess I understand you; you don't need to git so tarnaly riled about the matter; neer as I can figure it out you jist buy dry goods and sell 'em." And he sed, "Yes, sir, only dry goods." So I sed, "Do you want to buy some mighty good dried apples?"
Wall, that front boy got to laffin, and a lot of
All at once a figure on hossback Cum a-whoopin' it down the trail, And bullets from out of a Winchester Commenced to fly like hail. The greaser and them two passengers Cashed in their chips to him, Fer the feller what wuz doin' the shootin' Wuz my friend, Yosemite Jim.
Wall, we planted them thar together, When the cloud had passed away; And all they've got fer a tombstone Is the mountains, dull and gray. So, pard, let's take one together, And I'll drink a toast to him, Fer though he wuz rough and ready, He'd a heart, YOSEMITE JIM.
The Great White Death, so named by the Indians, occurs in the higher altitudes of the Rocky and Sierra Nevada Mountains. It is almost indescribable. It might properly be termed a frozen fog. It has the effect of bringing on acute congestion of the lungs, from which few rarely recover. Viewed at a distance it is a magnificent sight, each and every particle of the frozen moisture being a miniature prism, which reflects the sun's rays in a manner once seen never to be forgotten.--By CAL. STEWART, formerly Overland Messenger for the Wells- Fargo Express Company.
Uncle Josh Weathersby's Trip to Boston
FER a long time I had my mind made up to go down to Boston, so a short time ago, as I had all my crops and produce mostly sold, I alowed it would be a good time to go down thar, and I sed to mother, "I'll start early in the mornin' and take a load of produce with me, and that will sort of pay expenses of the trip."
Wall, I got into Boston next mornin' bright and early, 'bout time they had their breakfast, and I looked 'round fer a spell; then finally I picked out a right likely lookin' store, and jist conclooded I'd sell my load of produce thar. Wall, I went in and I met a feller 'nd I sed, "Good mornin', be you the storekeeper?" And he sed, "No, sir, I'm only one of the clerks." So I sed, "Wall, be the storekeeper to hum?" And he sed, "Yes, sir, would you like to see him?" And I told him as how I would, and he turned 'round and commenced to hollerin' "FRONT," and a boy cum up what had more brass buttins on him than a whole regiment of soljers. I thought that wuz a durned funny name fer a boy--front--and that clerk feller he wuz about the most importent thing I'd seen in Boston so far, less maybe it wuz the Bunker Hill monument that I druv past cummin' to town. He had on a biled collar that sort of put me in mind of the whitewashed fence 'round the fair grounds down hum. I'll bet if he'd ever sneeze it would cut his ears off.
Wall, anyhow, he sed to that front boy, "Show the gentleman to the proprietor's offis." Wall, I went along with that boy, and presently we cum to a place in one corner of that store; it wuz made out of iron and had bars in front of the winders, and looked like the county jale. The front boy p'inted to a man and sed, "Go in," and I sed, "I gessed I wouldn't go in thar, cos I hadn't done anything to be locked up fer." And that front boy commenced to laffin' tho' durned if I could see what he wuz a-laffin' about, and the storekeeper he opened the door and cum out, and he sed, "Good mornin', what can I do fer you?" I sed, "Be you the storekeeper?" and he sed he wuz. So I sed, "Do you want to buy any pertaters?" And he sed, "No, sir, we don't buy pertaters here; this a dry goods store." So I sed, "Wall, don't want any cabbage, do ye?" And he sed, "No, sir, this is a dry goods store." So I sed, "Wall, now, I want to know; do you need any onions?" And by chowder, he got madder 'n a wet hen. He sed, "Now look a-heer, I want you to understand onct fer all, this is a dry goods store, and we don't buy anything but dry goods and don't sell anything but dry goods; do you understand me now? DRY GOODS." And I sed, "Yes, gess I understand you; you don't need to git so tarnaly riled about the matter; neer as I can figure it out you jist buy dry goods and sell 'em." And he sed, "Yes, sir, only dry goods." So I sed, "Do you want to buy some mighty good dried apples?"
Wall, that front boy got to laffin, and a lot of