Under The Net - Iris Murdoch [10]
to my entry except Dave himself. He was sitting in a corner a little apart from the mike, and raised his hand when he saw me with the dignified gesture of a patriarch greeting the appearance of an expected sign. Not that Dave is a patriarchal Hebrew to look at. He is fattish and baldish with merry brown eyes and podgy hands, a slightly guttural voice and an imperfect command of English. Finn was sitting near him on the floor with his back to the wall and his legs stretched out like the victim of an accident. I made my way past several beardless youths, stepped over Finn, and shook hands with Dave. I gave Finn a friendly kick and seated myself on the edge of the table. A youth handed me a cup of tea automatically, talking back over his shoulder as he did so. Ought brings you back to is in the end. Yes, but what sort of is? 'I see it still goes on,' I said. 'A natural human activity,' said Dave with a slight frown. Then he looked at me amiably. 'I hear you are in a kettle of fish,' he said, raising his voice somewhat above the din. Might call it so,' I said cautiously, sipping my tea. I never overdo my troubles to Dave, for he is so often sarcastic and unsympathetic about them. 'If I would be you,' said Dave, 'I would take a proper job.' He pointed to the white wall of the hospital which loomed very close outside the window. 'There they want always orderlies,' he said. 'You might even be a nurse. Or you could do something for part time.' Dave was constantly making this suggestion; I can't think why, as there were few pieces of advice which, on the face of it, I was less likely to follow. I think he did it partly to annoy me. At other times he would press upon me the desirability of being a probation officer or a factory inspector or a teacher in an elementary school. I looked at the wall of the hospital. 'To save my soul,' I said. 'Not therefore!' said Dave scornfully. 'Always you are thinking of your soul. Precisely it is not to think of your soul, but to think of other people.' I could see that there was something in this, though I didn't need Dave to point it out, and I couldn't see that there was anything to be done about it at the moment. Finn threw me a cigarette. In a mild way he always tried to protect me from Dave. The immediate problem was to find a sympathetic place to live, and until this was fixed nothing else mattered. I have to keep on writing if I'm to make ends meet, and when I am homeless I can settle down to nothing. When I'd finished my tea I set off on a quiet tour of Dave's flat. Living-room, Dave's bedroom, spare room, bathroom, and kitchen. I inspected the spare room with care. It also looked out on to the wall of the hospital, which at this point seemed to stand even closer. The room was painted a sickly golden brown and was spartan in its appointments. At the moment it was strewn with Finn's belongings. It could be worse. As I was examining the wardrobe, Dave came in. He knew very well what was in my mind. 'No, Jake,' he said. 'Definitely not.' 'Why not?' 'We must not be two nervous wrecks living together.' 'You old python!' I said. Dave is not a nervous wreck, but as tough as an old boot. I didn't argue though, because I was a little off the idea myself because of Jehovah and the Trinity. 'Since you're turning me out,' I said, 'you are in duty bound to make a constructive suggestion.' 'You were never in, Jake,' said Dave, 'but I will try to think.' Dave knows my requirements. We went back to the other room and the din broke over us again. 'You should try the ladies, not?' 'Not,' I said. 'I've had the ladies.' 'Sometimes you make me sick, Jake.' 'I can't help my psychology. After all, freedom is only an idea.' 'It's in the third Critique,' Dave shouted to someone across the room. 'Which ladies, anyway?' I asked. 'I don't know your women,' said Dave, 'but if you paid a few visits someone might give you an idea.' I felt that Dave would be more pleased to see me when I had established myself elsewhere. Finn, who was lying with his head under the table, suddenly said, 'Try Anna Quentin.' Finn sometimes