Under The Net - Iris Murdoch [65]
it was locked. We had just made this discovery when a voice behind us said 'Hey!' and we jumped as if we'd been shot at. It was the porter. He was a burly slow-looking man with an obstinate expression. 'Can't go out that way, you know,' he said. 'Why not?' I asked. 'Because it's shut at four-thirty,' he said. Well then, we'll go out the other way,' I told him. I would have broken his neck just then to get Mars out of the building. 'Pick it up!' I said to Finn. We picked it up. Hey! Not so fast!' said the porter and barred our way. He was chewing gum. 'We're in a hurry,' I told him. 'Forward march!' I said to Finn, and we started making for the main entrance, brushing the porter aside. I could see now, through the glass doors, the taxi waiting, and the taxi-driver, and it was like the sight of the promised land. The porter went ahead of us and put his hand on the door. 'Not so fast I said,' he said. 'I said we were in a hurry,' I said. I've got to know what you're doing, you know,' said the porter, 'and what's your authority.' We're removing this animal from the building,' I said, 'and our authority is Mr Starfield. Have you any objection?' The porter ruminated. Then at last he said, 'Objection? I should just think not! Again and again I told Mr Starfield it's against the rules, I told him, to have pet animals in these flats. It's not a pet animal, he says to me, it's a performing dog. Performing dog! I says to him, it'd better not perform here or I'll have the trustees on you, I said. I've told you it's against the rules, I said. If I liked I could have you turned out, I said. And it's no good your offering me money neither. I don't want to lose my job, do I? I got to do my job, ain't I? It isn't for myself I mind, I told him. What's it to me if you bring a dog in, I told him. I don't mind for a dog any more than for a woman, I told him. But it's the rules...' While this was going on we got Mars out into the street. The taxi-driver, who had lowered the hood of his taxi, began to help us to lift the cage on. It took up the whole of the back of the taxi, lying tilted with one end down almost on the floor and the other end jutting out over the hood at the back. Poor old Mars was now back on his aluminium floor, but as it was tilting at an angle of forty-five degrees he was slithered down against the bars, together with his water-bowl, which rattled madly as we adjusted the cage. He held grimly on to his remaining pork chop and this mercifully prevented him from barking. 'Poor chap!' said the taxi-driver, who was taking it all very philosophically. 'He ain't very comfy. Let's try it this way.' And he wanted to be at the cage again. 'Leave it!' I cried, 'it's very well!' 'But now there ain't no room for you two,' said the taxi-driver. 'There's plenty of room,' I told him. I gave the porter half a crown. Finn got up in front beside the driver, and I climbed on top of the cage and crouched in the angle between it and the back of the driving-seat. 'That ain't much good,' said the driver. 'Now, if you was to put yourself...' 'Will you please go!' I shouted. It only remained for the taxi to fail to start. But it started. The porter waved us good-bye, and we were off towards the King's Road. Finn turned round and looked at me and we laughed silently at each other, a long, long laugh of triumph and achievement. 'You ain't said where I'm to go to,' said the driver, stopping the taxi at the King's Road. 'Go towards Fulham,' I told him, 'and we'll tell you more in a minute!' I didn't want to run the risk of meeting Sammy coming back in his car from chez Sadie. We must have looked damned conspicuous. People turned and stared after us all the way along the road. 'Look,' I said to Finn, the first thing is to buy a file and let this animal out.' 'The shops are shut,' said Finn. Well, we'll knock 'em up again,' I told him. 'Stop at an ironmonger's shop,' I told the driver, who so far hadn't flickered an eyelid. Nothing can astonish a London taxi-driver. He stopped outside an ironmonger's in the Fulham Palace Road, and after some knocking and