Under The Net - Iris Murdoch [71]
I hardly felt that he could see me, so intently was I seeing him. Then Hugo smiled and raised his hand and Mars began to tug me forward towards him. A deep distress overcame me. After the dignity of silence and absence, the vulgarity of speech. I smiled automatically and studied Hugo's face; what did it express? Friendship, contempt, indifference, irritation? It was inscrutable. I mounted the steps and stood beside him. Hugo completed his smile and his salute, neither slowly nor in haste, and then turned back towards the meeting. As he did so he made a gesture towards Lefty which seemed to signify: 'Just listen to this!' 'Hugo!' I hissed. 'Ssh!' said Hugo. 'Hugo, listen,' I said, 'I've got to talk to you at once. Can we go somewhere quiet?' 'Ssh,' said Hugo. 'Later. I want to hear this. It's colossal.' He gave me a sharp sideways look and waved his hands in a deprecatory way. Lefty completed a period and a soft murmur of approval swept over the crowd. 'Hugo,' I said out loud and with strong emphasis, 'I've got to warn you...' Silence had fallen again. Hugo shook his head at me and put his linger to his lips and gave his attention to Lefty. I went on in a lowered voice, trying to drive the words into his cars. 'Sadie is double-crossing you, she...' 'She always is,' said Hugo. 'Shut up, Jake, will you? We can talk later.' Despair overwhelmed me. I sat down on the steps at Hugo's feet. Mister Mars sat beside me. The glare of the arc lamps was boring into my left eye and Lefty's voice was piercing my head like a skewer. 'Ask yourself what you really value,' Lefty was saying. 'You know what it says about where your treasure is your heart is.' I suddenly felt that everything I had been doing lately was pointless--Anna was going to America, Sadie and Sammy were doing whatever they pleased and nothing would stop them, Madge had been deceived, I had found Hugo and he wouldn't speak to me. It only remained for me to be arrested and put in prison for stealing Mars. I put an arm round the latter's neck and he licked me sympathetically behind the ear. Lefty seemed good for another hour. He was really a remarkable speaker. He spoke simply but without faltering. His discourse was copious and yet well ordered too. Not without flowers, it was not without force either. Although afterwards all I could remember of what he said were a few striking phrases, I had the impression at the time that a closely reasoned argument was being presented. He somehow combined the intimate tone of the popular preacher with the dramatic and inflammatory style of the demagogue. Winged by sincerity and passion, his speech fell like an arrow from above, clean and piercing. The thousand men were under his spell. Their breathing was stilled and their eyes fixed intensely upon him. For a while I watched them so. Then there was a slight shiver at the edge of the crowd. Opposite to us and behind the speaker there were a number of boards with slogans upon them. These boards now began to sway gently to and fro like corks upon a pool which is suddenly disturbed. I noticed one or two scuffles developing on the side near the main entrance. But hardly anyone looked round. Lefty absorbed them. I looked up at Hugo. He stood like a man in a trance. I swivelled round, turning my back on the meeting and looking behind me into the streets of the ingenious city which excess of light made to glow with excess of colour. Behind it, all seemed dark. I sighed. Then I looked at Hugo again. My despair began to give way to exasperation and I felt coming upon me that nervous impulse to act at any price which so soon overtakes me in periods of frustration. I let go of Mars. Behind us a pair of double doors opened into the temple. I satisfied myself with a glance that they were real doors and that the temple had a real interior. Then I began to study Hugo's stance. These rapid preliminary studies can be very important in Judo. Notice where your opponent's weight is placed and at what point a pressure will mostly readily upset his balance. I ran over various moves in my mind and decided that