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The show paired up celebrities who could sing with pop stars, to perform (what else) duets. Every week there would be a nationwide vote and a celeb would be eliminated. I wasn’t sure at first if I wanted to do it, as I was hesitant about the style of music I’d have to sing. I’m a rock singer and wasn’t keen on the possibility of singing ska or disco.

But I was assured that each performer would have final say on the song choice, so I agreed. I had to audition first to see if I had the chops, and I went into the studio with Rickey Minor (the leader of the American Idol band) and nailed “Enter Sandman” and “Spinning Wheel.” I figured by doing Metallica and Blood, Sweat and Tears, Simon and the other producers would get a feel for what my style and range were, and if they didn’t like my vibe then no harm done.

Apparently Simon did like my vibe, because I was chosen to be one of eight contestants on the show. Duets was on Fox, and was the highest-profile network program I’d ever done, which meant my visibility was bigger than ever. I did interviews with Entertainment Tonight, Extra, Inside Edition, and Access Hollywood. I did a photo shoot for People magazine (which was my mom’s favorite magazine, she woulda been so proud), where they dubbed me the heartthrob of the show. I should hope so, considering the other male contestants were Alfonso Ribeiro, Cheech Marin, Hal Sparks, and Jai Rodriguez.

It was announced that the judges would be Marie Osmond, David Foster, and Little Richard, the band would be the headcutting machine from American Idol, and the host would be Wayne Brady, whom I’d known for years after being a guest on his Emmy Award–winning daytime talk show.

Duets was no joke either, as the collection of celebrities chosen were all badass singers. Lucy Lawless and Jai Rodriguez had appeared on Broadway, Hal Sparks, Cheech, and I all had our own bands, and Alfonso had been singing and dancing since he worked with Michael Jackson as a kid.

For some reason the producers liked this cast photo where I wasn’t looking at the camera. I was probably too busy worrying about singing country, while Alfonso Ribeiro was probably thinking about coitus.

I was really looking forward to seeing how I matched up with the others vocally—until I found out that my first duet partner was country singer Lee Ann Womack. Country? I’d never sung a country song in my life. It would be like Paul Stanley singing reggae.

“Buffalo-oh-oh-whoa Tholdier …”

I also found out that the promise of having the final say on song selections wasn’t the case, as I was given the Willie Nelson tune “Mendocino County Line.” Not only did I have to sing a country song, but I had to sing a Willie Nelson country song. Willie Nelson could hardly sing a Willie Nelson country song. My chances of winning seemed worse than his tax history.

I felt better when I found out that Peter Frampton was going to be my other partner, but my heart dropped again when I was given “Signed, Sealed, Delivered,” a Stevie Wonder tune that Frampton covered.

Willie Nelson and Stevie Wonder? Were the rights to Steve Perry and Michael Jackson songs not available? I felt even more snubbed when I found out that Hal Sparks’s partners were Sebastian Bach and Dee Snider, and I’m sure I don’t even have to explain why.

Maybe the producers were trying to be cute in pairing the wrestler with the country singer? Or maybe they thought I was the worst singer in the contest and wanted me off quickly.

It didn’t matter, as I was willing to give it a try and rehearsed my ass off trying to make the song work, but when it came to showtime I sucked. My pitch was off, my tone was bad, and every time I got close enough to Lee Ann to sing deep into her eyes, she recoiled like I had just taken a big bite of shit. In a way I had.

After bombing worse than a Jesse James appearance on Oprah, I tried to regroup for a show-stopping performance with Frampton. I was better vocally, but still off my game, and I delivered another heaping helping of clams casino.

I tried to make up for my mediocre vocals by