Undisputed_ How to Become the World Champion in 1,372 Easy Steps - Chris Jericho [159]
My court date was six weeks later and I was charged with wet reckless driving (not quite a DUI, but close enough), lost my California license for six months, had to attend ten AA meetings, and was fined over ten grand. I deserved everything that I got, and considering I could’ve killed myself or somebody else, it was a small price to pay and a lesson well learned.
The moral of this story is simple, dear readers: Don’t drink and drive.
The moral is: Don’t drink juice boxes containing 0% REAL JUICE.
CHAPTER 44
Miracle Babies
I woke up at 5:30 in the morning to the most terrifying text of my life.
JESS CELL : “I’m going into labor right now!”
How could that be? She was only twenty-seven weeks pregnant! Even worse, I was in Toronto, only a short 1,097 miles away from Tampa.
I was rehearsing for the opening night of Opening Night, a play I was starring in written by Canadian playwright Norm Foster. I’d been offered the lead role of Jack Tisdale, a forty-five-year-old varnish salesman who was taking his estranged wife to a play for their anniversary.
The production was being put on by Bird Entertainment, a fledgling Ontario theater company who were looking to boost their profile by casting me as the lead. It was a perfect fit as I’d wanted to do theater for years, and I jumped at the chance to be a part of the wacky Peter Sellers/Ricky Gervais– style farce.
I’d been flying back and forth from Tampa for six weeks rehearsing and promoting the show, and all of the hard work was paying off. All four of the shows had sold to 90 percent capacity and the city was abuzz waiting to see Chris Jericho’s stage debut.
I made some great choices for Jack, including growing a mustache, padding my stomach with a pillow, greasing my hair back, and wearing glasses, all of which made me look nothing like the WWE Superstar I was known as. It was the first time that I’d been able to really apply the acting techniques Kirk taught me, and they were working. I spent hours learning my lines and rehearsing with the amazing cast and really dropped into the character of Jack in the process.
My choices for Jack Tisdale included a mustache, glasses, and a pillow stuffed in my shirt. The best accolade I received for my performance was from a fan in the front row who whispered to his friend after I’d been onstage for ten minutes, “Where the hell is Jericho?”
I went to bed after our final rehearsal knowing I had one more day to relax and work on the final nuances of the character and the play.
Or so I thought.
When I got Jess’s text, I quickly called the hospital. I found out she was already in the delivery room about to give birth to our twin daughters thirteen weeks prematurely, which was a potential disaster.
The little monkeys had already tried to sneak out four weeks earlier, and Jess had been on bed rest ever since. It had been a difficult pregnancy, much harder than her experience with Ash, mostly because this time there were two babies inside of her. Both of us had thought there was only one until we went for our four-month ultrasound to find out the sex (yes, please) of our child. Jess had a hunch she might be carrying twins since she was huge and they ran in her family, but the nurse said there was no way. But when she rechecked the blurry image on the screen, she digressed and said, “Well, what do you know. Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Irvine, you’re having a girl … and another girl!”
I fell off my chair.
Let me say that if there are any nurses reading this tome and they someday have the honor of telling an expectant father that his wife is having twins after four months of thinking there was just one baby please tell him to sit down or hold tight to the wall or down a straight shot of Grey Goose because