Undisputed_ How to Become the World Champion in 1,372 Easy Steps - Chris Jericho [16]
I drove back to Uncle Joe’s home totally loadski, which was totally dumbski, and I ended up knocking over his mailbox while pulling into the driveway. In the morning, Joe asked me if I knew anything about the fallen box.
“No, Uncle Joe. But there was a party going on down the street and I’ll bet it was one of those punk kids.”
Tyler knew how shmammered I’d been and asked, “Did you knock down the mailbox? Did you not knock down the mailbox?”, like he was George Costanza: “If you took the raisins, if you didn’t take the raisins …”
Okay, I admit it; I took the raisins and I knocked down the fucking mailbox. My job was tearing me apart at the seams and I had been reduced to taking out my aggressions on defenseless postal receptacles.
The next day, I showed up at the arena with a massive hangover and a massive chip on my shoulder. I was angry at the world, and when I heard Vince wanted to see me in his office I planned on telling him that I wanted a storyline and I didn’t care what it was about or who it was with. I was furious that I had been left off the PPV and I refused to allow it to happen again.
I stormed into his office like it was the beach at Normandy, but before I could get a word out he said, “Would you have a problem working an angle with Chyna?”
Chyna was six feet tall and 220 pounds of solid muscle. Chyna was a big star in the company. Chyna was the Intercontinental Champion.
Chyna was a woman.
She was at the height of her fame in the company and was working regularly with guys. I wasn’t crazy about the idea of working with her, but I wasn’t going to tell Vince that, especially since I’d been desperately waiting to work an angle with anybody. I just assumed that anybody would have a penis.
But at that point, whether it was with a man, a woman, or a hermaphrodite, any angle was better than no angle at all so I put on my best Sunday school smile and said, “Of course not, Vince! I welcome the opportunity!”
What was the big deal anyway? James Bond had to fight Grace Jones in A View to a Kill. Kurt Russell had to fight Rosario Dawson in Death Proof. Larry David had to fight Rosie O’Donnell on Curb Your Enthusiasm. So who was I to complain about fighting Chyna? How hard could it be?
Little did I know …
The night before as I watched the PPV with my paws on my proverbial pud, Chyna won the Intercontinental Championship from Jeff Jarrett. Ever since I started wrestling in the gym of Westwood Collegiate with Wallass (see the award-winning A Lion’s Tale for full details) I’d had one dream: to be the WWE Intercontinental Champion. So being in an angle with the IC Champion was huge for me—even if said champion didn’t have a set of testicles.
Vince was very specific in his instructions about working with Chyna. “Just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean you have to go easy on her. Be tough and work strong with her, because that will get her over more.”
And she was really over. Chyna was the first woman who had ever been promoted on the same level as the men, and she looked the part. She was huge and more muscular than I was, which gave her the credibility to beat up guys. She was very popular with the fans, but more importantly she was popular with the office. Plus she was also HHH’s girlfriend, which didn’t hurt her status either, as he was on his way to becoming one of the top stars in the company.
I entered into my feud with Chyna with the best of intentions. I wanted to make her look great in the ring, as I felt like Vince was issuing me a challenge to see if I could have good matches with her. I also wanted to like Chyna, but because of how she was booked and who her friends were, she had an ego and an attitude.
There were times when she was really nice and fun to be around. She had a goofy sense of humor and would do things like stick two asparaguses in the front of her mouth like fangs and talk in funny